No not the song, but the day that ‘Owl’ can’t spell…
So it’s Thursday afternoon and I’m at my Mum’s place typing on my cheap laptop and fairly useless internet connection.
This morning was good but tinged with sadness. Andy will be going away at the weekend and our schedules are so mixed up it could be months before we can spend some quality time together again. When we’re together we feel so much like a real couple, but I’m not sure that we are. In the whole of this year so far we’ve only spent about two weeks together if you add up all the individual days. In those times we enjoy each other’s company, we have great conversations and even better sex. But we don’t have time to get fed up with each other. We don’t have time to find out what little things we do that drives the other one mad. We don’t have time to argue and make up. We don’t have time to go anywhere or try anything new together. In fact all we really do is talk alot and fuck like rabbits!
And what is wrong with that? On the surface it is what we both want. Truly both of us; if anything the rules of our little relationship come more from me than from him. We both travel a lot and enjoy it. Niether of us want to sacrifice our jobs, our travels, our freedoms, our occational adventures with other people or any other aspects of our enjoyably selfish lifestyles. And the only difference is my biological clock is starting to sound alarm bells and his isn’t. Even then, if I did fall pregnant I think he’d be more relaxed about it than me. (not that there is much chance of that happening, we are both very careful about that). I have to admit I am more broody than I used to be, but I really have no desire to have a child of my own yet. Maybe I never will, and I’m ok with that.
I wonder if I would be feeling the same things if I was involved with a woman at the moment rather than a man. Would it be easier? The emotions would be the same. The sex could be just as satisfying. But would the biological clock feelings be the same? Would my broodiness be more intense because of the impossibility of having a child naturally in that situation? And what does that say about who I really am and what I really want? I think it is time to stop these rambling thoughts…!
I still have this evening and tomorrow morning to look forward to.
Meanwhile I have been having some thoughts about what to do with this blog thingy. I don’t want it just to be an online diary, although I have to admit it is quite theraputic to put some of my thoughts down in writing. I am going to try writing mini articles on themes that interest me. I think Pagan themes will come first but I have a few other things in mind too. And I’m going to add some pages with some of my favourite music and art. So in the end it will be like an old fashioned homepage attched to a blog. Watch this space! 🙂
As a taster, here is one of my favourite paintings “The Lady Of Shalott” by John Waterhouse