For the last few days I have been basking in the pleasure of having my girlfriend Sophie with me. We don’t get to spend time together as often as we would like since she is based in Zurich and I am either in the UK or galavanting around Europe. Previously we had only been able to spend time together in Zurich due to our work commitments and the fact that she is the mother of a nine year old daughter. For the past week she had some time off and her lovely mum volunteered to babysit. So it was the first time Sophie was able to visit me at my home and the first time we were able to enjoy and indulge ourselves without worrying about the needs or interruptions of her little girl (lovely though she is).
And we have had a lovely time. I have shown her all the local sights and we have had a lot of fun. But mostly it was a joy just to be together. We are in love. I am in love. I love Sophie. Sophie loves me. These phrases are so short and easy to write and yet they mean so much more than words alone can convey. I have been in love several times before but this time it feels different. It feels like a grown up love; a comfortable love; a life changing love. It is a love that may take me in directions I never imagined and may set the pattern for a good part of my life. A life that I now want to share with Sophie, always. Yes Sophie, I know you are reading this and I wish I could write poetry to express what I am feeling. But I know you know my deepest thoughts. I love you girl, I love your kinky socks!
My life has changed a lot this year though. I have to pinch myself to be sure it is all real. It seems impossible to believe that only six months ago I hadn’t even met Sophie.
“Oh yes I’m pretty sure my life was well within it’s usual frame, The day before you came..”
Six moths ago I was waiting for Mr Right to come along and father my children. That was the destiny I thought I had chosen. I’ve always been bisexual but quite honestly I assumed that when I found my lifetime lover he would be a man. A musician maybe, with dark rugged looks and insanely well hung! I am still bisexual. I can still appreciate and fantasize about men’s best attributes. And maybe there will still be more men in my love life. And yet…
One evening while Sophie was here we went to a nice little local pub. We were having a good laugh and getting quite drunk on Gin and Tonic and then we started kissing… It was just affection really… It seemed so natural and right… But when we looked up half the people in the pub were staring at us disapprovingly. Being a bit of a dope I didn’t quite get it at first. I thought they were just annoyed at our public display of affection. I could understand that. I have thought similar things myself sometimes and said (either openly or just in my mind) “Can’t you wait til you get home?” Maybe our kissing was a bit OTT in a public place… But of course it wasn’t really that. It was the fact that we were two women.
Their stares made us feel a bit uncomfortable so we drank up and left. It didn’t really dampen our spirits too much though. After a few more drinks at home we had the kind of sex that would no doubt have appalled half the people in the pub (and the other half would probably fantasize about).
I have never really understood what it would be like to only be attracted to one gender. And I guess I have even less understanding of why people fear any sexuality that is different to their own.
When I move in with Sophie (Yes Honey it is going to happen!) we will to all intents and purposes be a lesbian couple. I have never really been very drawn to lesbian lifestyle. To be honest I have had a few problems with lesbians in the past who were unable to accept my bisexuality. I think the fact that we are both bi will help us a lot.
Sophie and I have agreed that at least until we move in together ours will be an open relationship. It is nice to have that thought in the back of our minds but what we discovered is that actually neither of us have had any adventures with anyone else since we met. It may still happen, but…
Actually I have changed since I met Sophie. I don’t really feel any want or need for sex with anyone else. I am still bi (and always will be) but at present I find myself generally more attracted to women than men. (Sorry guys, nothing personal)! I notice women more… I notice the actresses more than the actors on TV. I have wistful thoughts about female singers (maybe my next groupy challenge)! And I even find myself drooling more over the women than the men in the occasional naughty magazines that might come my way… It seems my tastes are definitely going through a new phase a little more attuned to women than they were before.
Am I becoming a lesbian? No I still fancy men as well. I’m still just Cassie being Cassie; I’m just not Cassie being single anymore. I am in a relationship that has quickly become both normal and important for me. The fact that my partner is a woman, a beautiful woman, is just the way things have worked out. It feels good to be making future plans as part of a team. Sophie and I will never be typical of anything and our relationship will defy a lot of other people’s prejudices and and expectations. But together, I know we are strong.