Smoking post

cigand coffee

It’s a good job that nicotine doesn’t have quite such anti social and immediately threatening effects as alcohol or I might have to join a support group, put my hand up and confess “My name is Cassie an I am a nicotine addict.”

I realised with a certain amount of alarm this week that I have been a regular smoker for more than half of my life. I have been in Austria which is very much a smoker’s paradise and have been able to enjoy a cigarette with my coffee in cafes, with my wine in bars and night clubs and even with my breakfast coffee. It’s great! (Oh, I’m not supposed to say that, am I?).

I don’t know what constitutes a heavy smoker these days. In my parent’s generation a lot of smokers got through several packs a day. One of my uncles (a very typical Irish Catholic used to “religiously” smoke sixty cigarettes a day except during lent when he wouldn’t smoke at all. I have never smoked that much but I do regularly smoke between 15 and 20 per day… Is that a lot? Should I care?

Some years ago I had a boyfriend who had a “smoking fetish”; it turned him on to watch people (especially me) smoke. At first I found that very odd and became quite self concious about smoking in front of him. He didn’t want me to do any strange sexual things with cigarettes (just as well!) but he just found women who smoked sexy. In fact he told me the more natural and un-posey the smoker was the better. Apparently I passed the test. Moreover I think I picked up his fetish a bit. I began to notice the subtle differences in the way people smoked cigarettes and yes I do sometimes find it attractive and sexy. My friends have always mostly been smokers; it seems to go with the territory of the kind of people I hang out with. I try to be fair, but while it is not an absolute I do tend to find smokers are generally more interesting people. Perhaps they are more prone to taking risks, perhaps there is a slightly dark and self destructive edge to people who smoke, perhaps they are just more sociable… Perhaps I shouldn’t over analyse!

What I know is I still enjoy my addiction. I have never even remotely wanted to stop. Yes I worry about my health sometimes; but I take care of myself in other ways and all my recent checks have shown that my lungs and the rest of me are in pretty good condition.

So yes I will confess my addiction. Nicotine is without doubt part of my internal chemistry by now both physically and psychologically I am sure. But I don’t actually feel bad or guilty about it. And oddly I don’t have any doubt that I could stop smoking in an instant if I wanted or needed to…

And what brought on this post. Well, I have a long wait for a plane in an airport where you can smoke, drink coffee and use wifi at the same time. So what’s a girl to do???

7 responses to “Smoking post

  1. Pingback: Coffee grounds and Conversations - Fourth-Wall Friday with Zoe Brooks

  2. writingthebody

    It is sexy….but dangerous for your health I guess. I posted on this because all the ads about giving it up drove me mad….but you should only smoke because you want to not because some fetishist like me, or your ex like the look of it….

    • Oh I totally agree. I was smoking long before I met “Mr Smoking Fetish”, and long since. His tastes didn’t really influence me except for making me more aware of some of the things associated with smoking.

      • writingthebody

        Good…I am not quite a smoking fetish kind of person, but I did used to ask smokers to burn my wrists sometimes….it has been a while now….

  3. i started smoking when i worked at the hospital because my gf at that time smoked, so it was something we could do on break, and other things in abandoned offices on night shift……. And “needing a cig” was a good way to Make yourself take your breaks, and you could gossip and vent with co-workers. There is a bond between smokers. Now here in America you can’t hardly smoke anywhere in public, even in a public park. Big Brother of course knows what is best for you. But no tasteless cigs for me, love them Captain Black Sweets, or their cheaper generic brands. And of course there is nothing like a smoke after sex 😉

  4. I smoked until Ares told me point blank to quit. Sometimes I still want one. I don’t think it’s your imagination, either. My smoking buddies always seemed like the more interesting of my friends.

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