I seem to have found a buyer for my mother’s house. I admit I am conflicted about this news. On the one hand it is very good news. It was becoming imperative to find a buyer quickly before my Mum’s remaining funds run out and the sale will secure her care and financial situation for the foreseeable future. This is a big relief as I was getting worried about what would happen if I didn’t find a buyer and get the money in time. On the other hand it means I am really losing my family home which I have been using as a personal space and store room during the past couple of years. In all that time the idea of actually selling the place and having to move out completely seemed like a far off reality even as I was clearing the place out.
But now it really is happening and there is a lot to do fast and (because of the way the system works here in the UK) the pace is really being set by lawyers and things out of my control.
And the final traces of me and my Mum have to be removed from the building.
I have been feeling unusually stressed and even a bit depressed this week. Yesterday I went to visit my mum in the care home. She always seems happy to see me although I don’t think she really has any idea who I am any-more. She doesn’t really know who “she” is either. We don’t really have conversations now. I hold her hand and tell her what has been going on in my life. Sometimes she listens, sometimes she interrupts with whatever random thoughts are going through her mind. She doesn’t really understand what anyone is saying to her. When she speaks, disconnected words and sentences come out but I can no longer make any sense of it or even guess what she is trying to convey. She seems happy though. Insane, but happy…
And what is happening with the house seems to parallel what is going on in her mind. Bit by bit the memories are being moved out and pretty soon there will be nothing left.
I usually have no trouble in thinking positively about things, but this week it has been a bit of a struggle.
But I have to be positive.
I am glad that this summer I was able to enjoy six blissful weeks with Sophie and Tina in the house. The energy we leave the house with will be beautiful. And it will be engrained somewhere in the walls even after all the furniture is gone. All the happy moments from my childhood will continues to echo here and my mother’s love will keep the place warm and homely for whoever moves in next.
I will also take those memories with me as I move on. My next home will be with Sophie and Tina and we will make it a warm and loving place and fill it with new memories. Meanwhile I will continues to visit the shell of my Mum in the care home as often as I can until she moves on too.
- Summer Ideal (justcassie.wordpress.com)