A girl goes to a party, drinks too much, wakes up disheveled and disoriented behind a dumpster, battered and bruised and is taken to hospital. Over the course of the next few days the full horror of the abuse she has been subjected to becomes apparent. But at least there were witnesses to what happened to her (who may in fact have prevented the rape from being even worse) and the rapist has been caught. So surely justice will come quickly and fully? Not so. She then has to endure a whole year in which she is portrayed as the promiscuous guilty party who drank too much and pretty much deserved what she got. The perpetrator is portrayed as a normally good guy who just drank too much and got a bit carried away. The jury were not fooled and found him guilty on all charges. The judge however thought he deserved a break, after all he was an athlete with a glittering career ahead of him and why should half an hour of recklessness spoil his whole life; so the judge gave him the minimum sentence possible.
Well that is the story of Brock Turner the rapist and his victim. You have probably seen it in the news and read about it on the Internet. It doesn’t quite end there. The victim wrote an impact statement which was so articulate and so inspiring that it has gone viral. We have given a link to it at the end of this post and would urge absolutely everybody to read it. We think it should form the basis of a whole series of social and sex education classes in America and the civilised world.
We wanted to blog about this because we often write about sex. We are sex positive feminists. We like sex. We think sex is healthy and good. We have as much sex as possible with each other and sometimes with others. We enjoy what some call darker or kinky sex. There have been times in our lives when we could have been described as promiscuous. NONE OF THAT GIVES ANYBODY PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX WITH US OR ANYBODY ELSE. WITHOUT MEANINGFUL CONSENT, IT IS RAPE. ALWAYS.
We feel strongly about this because in writing this blog we assume our sentiments and our understanding is shared by other liberated and mature women and men and we want in our small way to normalise sex and sexuality; to bring it out of the closet and make it something that adults can enjoy and discuss openly and maturely.
But the reality is that there are some troglodyte boys out there who may never become real men and may never understand the realities of sex. So here is a message for anybody that is bordering on that mentality…
It is true that some women enjoy consensual sex a lot. Some women like to fuck and be fucked in all sorts of ways and situations as long as they give meaningful consent. Yes, some women, including us, like to be sexy, perhaps even provocatively so. But without consent you are not allowed to do anything. Without consent, you don’t even have the right to use our first names. We hope that is clear. 90% of people get it. If you are in the ignorant minority who don’t get it, seek counselling, because you are wrong and you risk hurting somebody and spending many years in prison.
Here is a link to the letter Brock Turner’s victim wrote and read out in court. It is a long and harrowing read but ultimately empowering and perhaps even hopeful. We urge all our readers to read it and let all its messages and implications sink in.