Category Archives: sex

Eight Years Of Corruption

Well, this particular blog has been completely dormant for about a year meaning I haven’t posted here in that time. I have been posting in Devil’s Advocates a bit more regularly but have a been a bit lapse there as well. However I got a notification from WordPress that it is eight years since I started blogging here and thought this might be a good time for a status update and some thoughts on where I and my writing are going from here.

Eight years does not seem long at all when you say it; but it is fair to say that my life has changed almost entirely in that time. My first post on this blog (which was called “Cassie Being Cassie” at that time) began by parodying Brigit Jones Diary and making reference to my then boyfriend and to the fact that I was an eclectic pagan witch. I had to cringe while reading it back to myself as it now seems like a very young and innocent version of the person I have become. https://justcassie.wordpress.com/2009/08/04/5/

There are some who would certainly use the word corruption to describe the process of growth I have been through in the intervening time; but I would prefer to use the terms enlightenment and maturation. For those who haven’t been following my blogs, the short version of the last eight years is that I became a Satanist, got a girlfriend, moved to Switzerland, adopted a daughter, had several promotions at work and wound up being leader of an independent Satanic coven.

“Cassie Being Cassie” changed to “Sophie and Cassie-Not Safe For Work” after Sophie and I got together. We have kept the blog going intermittently since then. At first it was a mixture of our philosophical and spiritual thoughts and opinions (we are both Satanists), quite a lot of sexual content and reblogs of things we liked on the blogs we followed. As time went by we moved most of the Satanic stuff to our other main blog “Devils Advocates”, and this blog was kept for reblogs and occasional musings on our sexual tastes and fetishes and thoughts on sex and gender politics. As more time passed our daughter came of age and became a Satanist herself, contributing to Devil’s Advocates and starting her own blog.

So where are we now, and what does the future hold? Well, more specifically, where am I now… (Sophie and Tina will speak for themselves later).

After a nervous first few months, Satanism became the cornerstone of my life and my world. I am not going to say much more about it here beyond this paragraph except to give an indication of the direction I am going in at the end of this post. I concede that my views and lifestyle are considered to be evil by many people. I think they are wrong in many ways but I don’t run away from the label as I once did. If Satan is evil, then so am I. I have given up all my previous ideas about morality which I now see as a purely subjective and unscientific concepts in the first place. I live by Satanic will and imperatives alone. I am not good. I have no desire to be anything other than honest to myself and my own wants and needs. I understand that what I have just said can sound very selfish and shallow to the uninitiated; but it really isn’t, and I have explained that more than enough in various blog entries. I am happy in my own skin and that is what matters. Still, as leader of a coven and as a relatively well known Satanist I hope I can continue to be a positive example of what modern Satanism is. Further thoughts specifically about Satanism will be continued in Devil’s Advocates and “another project…”

Musings about sex played quite a large part in this original blog and continued when Sophie joined in. It is still something I think about quite a lot because I enjoy it and it seems to be something that society as a whole is often conflicted about in ways that make me wonder how “civilized” or mature our species really is on this (and many other matters)! Sophie and I live by our own rules. Finding each other has probably been the biggest blessing in our lives and our relationship continues to be defined by very passionate love for each other. But we are both bisexual, or perhaps omnisexual as modern terminology catches up with the reality of people’s varied sexual tastes and experience. We have sex with each other and with others, sometimes together and sometimes separately. I have always thought that sex frequently has spiritual dimensions and overtones and I still firmly believe and experience that. However, I’m not ashamed to say I sometimes just like an adventurous or satisfying fuck and that could be with a man or a woman or any combination thereof! Sophie and I have always liked experimenting and we both enjoy various aspects of BDSM. We like porn too. We have our own tastes which for myself I like to think of as sophisticated and refined, but that includes some things which others might describe as hardcore. I do have a problem with porn though. Ideally porn and prostitution should be empowering to all involved; that includes the consumers and those who pose for pictures or provide sexual services. But it is naive to assume it always is that way. I do my best to avoid anything where there is a suspicion that anyone has been forced or coerced into taking part or where they have been filmed without their knowledge or consent. I’m sure however I have sometimes derived pleasure from porn that was not made in a way I would approve of and that makes me uncomfortable. I am thinking of joining or even starting some organisations that try to keep sex workers safe and increase respect for their profession; while at the same time reducing the sense in which prostitution and pornography are views as inherently bad or wrong. As long as meaningful consent and real choice are involved, I think erotica and all those who work in the sex industry are healthy and deserving of more respect than they normally get.

As I approach what some would call middle age, I am more comfortable in and with my (now heavily inked) body than ever before. And I hope and wish that all my regular readers will continue to enjoy the sexual aspect of their lives in whatever way satisfies them for a long time to come.

Looking to the future… In terms of my work-life I am now a senior manager in my company and have ideas and plans for improving my own prospects as well as those of my colleagues and the company itself. It will mean working even harder, but I have never been afraid of that. This should bring financial and material rewards for Sophie and I and we are thinking about moving home although staying in Switzerland. I am also going to apply for Swiss citizenship now that Britain seems obsessed with the national suicide that is called Brexit.

I also want to make time to concentrate on several writing projects I have in mind. I always wanted to invest more in writing but have often struggled to fit it in between all my other activities. I have now decided to make my writing ambitions a bit more concrete and hopefully my experience in blogging over the past eight years will be an advantage in that. One of my writing projects will be a semi-autobiographic book about Satanism which has been at the back of my mind for a number of years. I am also working on ideas for travel articles, and novels exploring sex and relationships in a way that I have always wanted to read. I have a few science fiction and fantasy ideas as well. In order to give myself some time for all those projects I am going to step back from blogging. I’m not going to say I won’t contribute at all to our blogs in future; if I have something I want or need to say I will do so…

Our blogs will not stop though. Sophie and Tina (who is now a thoughtful and enthusiastic Satanic woman in her own right) will continue with Devil’s Advocates and Smokers Writes, and may even continue to post here from time to time.

We are a strong family trio, with fingers in many pies, and our story will continue…

 

All women are bisexual…Sexual Identity

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In my mid twenties it became important for me to assert my sexual identity as bisexual. It seemed to me it was either deny it or live it and I chose to live it. Some people don’t make a big deal about such things. I don’t think I made a big deal about it, but I did make a deal of it to some degree. I was kind of aware that many of my choices in life were slightly against the norm. I was a pagan, I was a witch, I hung out with artists and musicians, I had tattoos, I drank and smoked quite a lot and most of the people I chose to have as friends were similar in many ways to me. But while my life and lifestyle may have seemed to be a bit outside society’s norms, it was normal for me. I had always been equally as attracted to women  as I had been to men sexually. The choice aspect was simply whether to live as a bisexual or to deny that side of things to myself. There was always a rebellious part of me (which still very much exists) which wanted to be open and upfront about my sexuality to challenge those who still clung to what I believe to be archaic prejudices about sex, race and gender. And so I was pretty open about being bisexual and I made the most of the opportunities that opened out to me!

Over the years my feelings about my own sexuality and sexuality in general have fluctuated a bit. There was a time when I thought women might be just for fun while men might be for longer term relationships involving babies and such. Then I went through a stage where I could quite happily identify as purely lesbian. I am now in a very happy and stable relationship with Sophie. However what has become clear is that neither of us are really lesbians. Our sexual tastes have grown and developed as a couple but we are both very aware of being bisexual. Luckily we have very similar tastes in men…

In any case we are pretty much at an age now where we don’t really care much about what others think. We do our own kinky things together and sometimes with others and it’s nobody’s business but ours. But a couple of things lately made me think about this subject again.

My step-daughter has become sexually active in the last year and is probably rather more self confident and worldly wise than I was at her age. (Although I was pretty keen to experiment and quick to learn myself)! What kind of fascinated me about her view of things is the degree to which sexuality seems like a non issue to her. Or rather, bisexuality is a non issue. It’s as if for her bisexuality is the default position. Perhaps that is how it should be. Perhaps the fact that she has been brought up by bisexual parents is an obvious factor. But it just seems curious to me that something which I felt obliged to “come out” and make a bit of a stand about, is even more normal to her than it was for myself and Sophie at her age. I think it is a good thing of course.

Then there was a study published this week that states that “most women are bisexual or gay but very seldom straight”.  http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2015/11/05/most-women-are-either-gay-or-bisexual-but-never-straight-says-study/

The survey found that straight women were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and attractive women – despite identifying as heterosexual. By contrast, women who identified as lesbians exhibited a much stronger sexual response to women than to men. Dr Rieger, the leader of the the study said,   “Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight”

The Pink News article also goes on to report another study which found that; ” 43% of people identify themselves as somewhere between exclusively homosexual and exclusively heterosexual – showing people increasingly see sexuality in a less polarised way.”

Well I think all of this is progress and it is all good. Indeed anecdotally I had come to the same conclusions myself. I have often said said that I think most people are somewhere on a spectrum of sexuality and very few people are exclusively one end or the other. I also believe that where we are on the scale can vary to some degree at different points of our life.

But there is something about these latest surveys that disturbs me. I don’t know what it is exactly. Partly it is because these results were published in various newspapers in a style that seemed mainly aimed at titillating the readers. In particular at titillating men. I also think there is a big difference between what turns people on in theory and what people’s sexuality actually is, a point which the first survey ignores. Also in part I think I resent scientists and the fullness of time being required to somehow legitimate feelings which are in essence perfectly normal and perfectly human. Perhaps I am just getting old!

Anyway I hope the main thrust of these reports is true and that our society is beginning to grow up about sex. My step daughter’s generation have inherited a lot of political, social and environmental problems which they will have to deal with. Hopefully they can at least enjoy full and happy sex lives in peace.

~Cassie~

Those of us who do.

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Our daughter recently got her first tattoo (well two small ones actually; one on her shoulder, another on her ankle). From her reaction, I doubt if they will be her last. She seems to have inherited our ink addiction along with several other vices that run in our family; smoking cigarettes for example…

After getting her tattoo we stopped off for a celebratory glass of wine and a cigarette in a nearby bar. While there she made an observation that most of the people in the smoking section also had tattoos. This is something I have noticed before but haven’t thought much about recently. Of course not all people who have tattoos smoke, and not all people who smoke have tattoos; but there does seem to be a significant correlation… And I don’t think it stops there…

Sophie, Tina and I seem to be in that group of people who do all the things that society often regards as dangerous, riske or taboo. We are the bad girls (and of course there are bad boys too). We are the ones that do.

Some people may think that Sophie and I are setting our daughter a bad example. We both smoke and drink quite a lot. We are both covered in tattoos. We both like to party when we have the opportunity. We swear and curse in a variety of languages. We are libertines who have interesting and active sex lives. We blag our way backstage at gigs and openings to meet interesting people. We are respectable and moral in our own way but we are certainly not prim, clean living, virtuous women.

And at the tender age of 16 our daughter is already following in our footsteps in many ways and no doubt has her own secrets and vices as well. Perhaps we should hold back… Perhaps we should sit her down and explain that we are not great role models… Perhaps we should be or should have been more strict and forbid her to do all the dangerous and naughty things we have been doing since we were her age?

Perhaps we should feel guilty that this innocent sixteen year old is already smoking as much as we do, swearing as much as we do, probably drinking more than she tells us, starting to enjoy and experiment with sex as much as we do, tainting her clear skin with ink as we have done, and who knows what else??

Well we don’t feel guilty. We are glad. We want her to be one of the people who does. For us, that is important.

Sophie and I hope to live for a long time and perhaps we will because we have a lot more pleasure in life and thus less stress than many people do. But because of our smoking and drinking and other things we do or have done we acknowledge we are at greater risk of some illnesses than others might be. Tina’s life prospects might be impacted in a similar way. Even so, if I were to die tomorrow, this ink stained and still quite nimble body will be evidence of a life fully lived and experienced. I’m quite sure as I approach the end of my thirties that I have already seen and done more than a lot of people twice my age. I wouldn’t wish anything less or anything more boring for my daughter. I am glad Tina is becoming one of those bad girls who do naughty but exciting stuff and I wish her all the fun, excitement and adventure in the world.

I guess all this sounds quite hedonistic? Well yes, we are for sure hedonists. But what a lot of people don’t understand is that hedonism doesn’t rule out being a nice, kind person. This is not the place to boast but Sophie and I both do a lot to help other people through our work and other activities. As for our daughter, everything she wants to do in her life and career revolves around helping other people and animals. She may swear like a trooper and she may have replaced her childhood innocence with adult pleasures and pastimes but she has a heart of pure gold and that is not likely to change.

The truth is, “those of us who do” are pretty cool people once you get to know us. Many of us are actually “nice” (although we might not admit it out loud).

Cassie

Without Consent It Is Rape

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A girl goes to a party, drinks too much, wakes up disheveled and disoriented behind a dumpster, battered and bruised and is taken to hospital. Over the course of the next few days the full horror of the abuse she has been subjected to becomes apparent. But at least there were witnesses to what happened to her (who may in fact have prevented the rape from being even worse) and the rapist has been caught. So surely justice will come quickly and fully? Not so. She then has to endure a whole year in which she is portrayed as the promiscuous guilty party who drank too much and pretty much deserved what she got. The perpetrator is portrayed as a normally good guy who just drank too much and got a bit carried away. The jury were not fooled and found him guilty on all charges. The judge however thought he deserved a break, after all he was an athlete with a glittering career ahead of him and why should half an hour of recklessness spoil his whole life; so the judge gave him the minimum sentence possible.

Well that is the story of Brock Turner the rapist and his victim. You have probably seen it in the news and read about it on the Internet. It doesn’t quite end there. The victim wrote an impact statement which was so articulate and so inspiring that it has gone viral. We have given a link to it at the end of this post and would urge absolutely everybody to read it. We think it should form the basis of a whole series of social and sex education classes in America and the civilised world.

We wanted to blog about this because we often write about sex. We are sex positive feminists. We like sex. We think sex is healthy and good. We have as much sex as possible with each other and sometimes with others. We enjoy what some call darker or kinky sex. There have been times in our lives when we could have been described as promiscuous. NONE OF THAT GIVES ANYBODY PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX WITH US OR ANYBODY ELSE. WITHOUT MEANINGFUL CONSENT, IT IS RAPE. ALWAYS.

We feel strongly about this because in writing this blog we assume our sentiments and our understanding is shared by other liberated and mature women and men and we want in our small way to normalise sex and sexuality; to bring it out of the closet and make it something that adults can enjoy and discuss openly and maturely.

But the reality is that there are some troglodyte boys out there who may never become real men and may never understand the realities of sex. So here is a message for anybody that is bordering on that mentality…

It is true that some women enjoy consensual sex a lot. Some women like to fuck and be fucked in all sorts of ways and situations as long as they give meaningful consent. Yes, some women, including us, like to be sexy, perhaps even provocatively so. But without consent you are not allowed to do anything. Without consent, you don’t even have the right to use our first names. We hope that is clear. 90% of people get it. If you are in the ignorant minority who don’t get it, seek counselling, because you are wrong and you risk hurting somebody and spending many years in prison.

Here is a link to the letter Brock Turner’s victim wrote and read out in court. It is a long and harrowing read but ultimately empowering and perhaps even hopeful. We urge all our readers to read it and let all its messages and implications sink in.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/heres-the-powerful-letter-the-stanford-victim-read-to-her-ra?utm_term=.nw8RMQYbe#.otGD1VNb5

Sex, Porn, Feminism, Victimhood

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I guess this post will get us into trouble with some. Somebody sent me a link to the following article and asked for my opinion. It is an article that raises so many issues and which by implication accuses Sophie and me of being non feminists and much worse. I am going to try and address some of the points raised in the article. I want to start by saying however that while I disagree with the tone and conclusions of the article, I do think some of the issues raised deserve serious and ongoing consideration.

The article can be found here.http://www.feministcurrent.com/2015/12/09/the-sexiest-oppression/

The article by Natasha Chart starts with some very dubious and convoluted claims. Firstly she gives scant details of a story from Britain’s Daily Mirror in which an elderly woman is said to have died after a sex game went badly wrong. She then states quite categorically that in a just, feminist world, the neighbor who was involved in the sex game should have been tried for murder. In fact she equates his actions with the torture of prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Now we have looked at the account in The Mirror and it is fair to say there is not much more detail there than in Ms Chart’s account. What is clear is that the local authorities were convinced that there was more evidence for a tragic accident than for murder. Ms Chart wants us to believe that is because we live in a “male supremasist” world. The fact remains however that the only judge who has found the neighbor guilty of being a murderous, woman hating, monster is Ms Chart herself; and this is based solely on the scant evidence contained in a tabloid newspaper and her own very jaded opinions.

Then within a few tortuous, logic defying sentences such as these;-

…This is how you turn oppression into a titillating taboo that isn’t taken seriously. This is how you turn public health and safety threats like rape, torture, and murder, into “sex.” Which is private.

Talking about sex in public is obscenity. So talking about the way women are threatened and physically abused becomes obscenity and, in turn, becomes “sex.” As a result, everything about women’s bodies and oppression is turned into private obscenity that can’t be discussed like other topics…

She blames men in general, pornography, church and religious authorities and women like Sophie and myself for all that is wrong in the world and for the fears and prejudices that clearly dominate her daily life. She finally comes to the conclusion;-

…There is no part of male supremacist culture that doesn’t believe that women owe men sex, by which it is usually meant, she owes him sexual subservience and arousal over his use of force or coercion. Porn and church teachings are simply the most prominent outlets for this view, almost universally held…

I wonder how she would account for women such as Sophie and myself who even without men around, play sexual and psychological games of dominance and submission? I wonder if she is capable of understanding that such activities can be done with love and can be deeply pleasurable and fulfilling to both parties equally (no matter which role they are playing and no matter what genders they happen to be)?

Well I doubt that she can. She states in the same article that she was in the past a serial victim of  abusive relationships. And frankly it is the cries and screams of a serial victim who blames the world for her own mistakes that sing out most loudly in this article. That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? And I don’t want to be drawn in to blaming the victim, but…

We have all known women (and sometimes men) who repeatedly wind up in abusive relationships of various types. We try to warn them, but they won’t or can’t listen. Many of us know people who repeatedly have problems with drugs, or alcohol, or gambling… We cannot help the victim until the victim realises the truth of their predicament and owns it. Yes there are some total bastards out there; there are sick, twisted and vicious men and women… But not all men or women are bad because of the sins of the ones we are attracted to… Drugs and alcohol are not bad in themselves… Sometimes we have to acknowledge that the problem belongs to us and stop blaming others and being angry at half the world.

And sadly the article we are discussing here is so infused with that kind of mis-directed anger that it will find no uncritical audience except for other similarly damaged souls.

It is genuinely sad because it does touch on issues which need to be discussed and grappled with more openly. Even those of us who describe ourselves as “sex positive feminists” have to admit that there is still far too much exploitation in all aspects of the sex industry.

Some weeks ago Sophie and I were looking through a site we often visit for sexy and pornographic images. Some of the images we enjoy would be described as fairly hardcore by some and may elude to, or depict quite clearly, things associated with bondage, dominance, submission and mild violence. (Anybody shocked by that revelation has not been following our blogs very closely). However while browsing that site we came across something that made us pause and indeed left us feeling bad and sullied. It was a short video gif which showed a woman being subjected to very aggressive sex by two men at the same time. We both felt that the woman was not consenting, that she was probably full of drugs and that she looked absolutely terrified and out of control. We felt as if we were witnessing an actual rape. We felt sick and reported the image. But I have to admit that reporting that image probably didn’t achieve much and almost certainly did nothing to help the woman concerned. And we can’t escape from the fact that while we choose to believe most of the pornographic images we look at involve people who are fully consenting at every level; some clearly aren’t.

So what are our options? Let’s remove any semblance of kid gloves. We are two women who are unashamed hedonists, who have enjoyed colourful and diverse sexual encounters with each other and with other women and men. Our sexual tastes and fetishes cover most of the BDSM spectrum and go well beyond that. We enjoy porn. Most of our friends and acquaintances have similarly liberal views and tastes in matters of sex and sexuality. But we acknowledge that there is still a lot of exploitation in all aspects of the sex industry and there are real victims.

We could spurn all forms of sexual enjoyment outside of each other. We could stop looking at any form of pornography for fear that there may have been exploitation in the making of it. We could go further and campaign against all forms of pornography. Equally we could campaign against the very notion of prostitution where there is also undoubtedly gross exploitation. And besides all that we could hate all men and blame them for the perversion of sex, sexuality and gender roles in society. I suspect that is what Ms Chart would like us to do.

But this would not work and would ultimately be disempowering for us and all women and men. It would be defeatist. It would be like saying men have fucked up everything to do with sex so we should retreat to some puritanical version of vanilla sexuality where there can be no danger of exploitation so long as we all repeat the same, supposedly feminist, mantra. And if we happen to have tastes which are not vanilla we must remember that this is only because we have been brainwashed by the previous Male Supremacist society. In other words we must remember at all times that We are all victims and live accordingly!

But why should we allow one form of oppressive orthodoxy to be replaced by another one? For hundreds of years the Christian Church and other religious institutions have sought to control people, especially women, by policing sexuality; by determining what we are allowed to do and think in matters of sex and then condemning everything else as sinful. Many women of my parents generation would be envious of the sexual freedoms and independence we enjoy. Moreover those who happen to be gay or transgender or who can’t be pigeon holed anywhere on the sexuality spectrum are just beginning to enjoy liberties and acceptance that their predecessors could not of imagined. We should not allow victim driven forms of feminism to rob us of the freedoms we enjoy and which were many years in the winning.

What we must do however is enjoy our sexual freedoms responsibly. Where we see exploitation and crime we must treat it and report it as such. Some people can be empowered by their consensual participation in the production of pornography, and nobody has the right to judge them for that. But as consumers of pornography we must insist on only buying into that type of porn. We should aid in the hunting down and prosecution of all criminal activity in the sex industry. We should flag up anything suspect as soon as we see it. We should only pay for and share material we are confident is consensual and fully legal. This will not cure exploitation quickly but if there is any truth in the capitalist idea of market forces, eventually the exploitative, criminal side of the sex industry will be squeezed out.

We should aim to defeat the misogynists, the exploiters and the criminals by acting as responsible and empowered adults who are comfortable with our sexuality and our gender. Fearful and vindictive victims are unlikely to achieve anything except by totalitarian control.

Cassie

Food, Drink And Sex

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I have always thought there were some big similarities between food, drink and sex and the way those subjects are discussed and written about. There are of course some big differences too. I will discuss all of those things in this post. Regular readers will know that Sophie and I have decided to be open about sex in this blog and perhaps push the boarders a bit, you will also know that Sophie has already “taken the plunge” and that I am lagging behind a bit. That will be rectified in this post and those that are interested may discover some things that could intrigue, titilate, surprise or even disgust them in relation to my own sexual experiences. So be it. However in writing about the parallels between drinking, eating and sex I hope also to explain more clearly why Sophie and I feel it is a positive thing to write revealing and adult rated things about sex in this blog.

Virtually all adult human beings eat, drink and fuck. These activities are a normal and healthy part of life. All of these things can be pleasurable and all can be harmful in various ways and situations. They can be done for simple biological imperative and they can also be indulged in for fun and for pure pleasure. There are religious, social and cultural customs and taboos attached to all of them but in the western world it seems that sex is the most taboo and least openly discussed of these three things. And if sex is described or discussed in as much detail as a recipe for the most mouth watering lasagne, or the subtle charms of a fruity Bordeaux, it will most likely be described as pornography.

There are thousands of books and blogs about food and drink, wining and dining… Every aspect of food from growing it to eating it is covered in great detail. Writers are allowed to go into raptures about particular recipes, specialities, restaurants and cooks. They are allowed to openly salivate about the merits of certain produce, the qualities and complexities of mushrooms, the tenderness of beef, the aroma of cheeses or the best way to enjoy oysters. They can enthuse about the wines and beers of a region. They can celebrate the differences,both bold and subtle, between different vintages. And they can extol the virtues and the fun of drinking various alcoholic beverages around the world. Much of this writing is considered learned, classy and cultural. But if we go into the same amount of detail about sex, how will that be considered?

Well Sophie and I consider sex to be normal, healthy, human, beautiful, inspirational and fun; and we intend to write about it in that way and to cover all those aspects of it. We want to write about it and our experiences of it in the way that other people write about food and drink. We want to cover as many ingredients as possible and describe in detail some of our favourite recipes. We may get excited over some things which are an acquired taste but also share our fondness for things that most people enjoy. We may confess the things we find intoxicating. We may discuss some rare vintages or some exotic cocktails we have enjoyed…

So here are a few tasters from the menu of my personal pleasures…

Starters.
I often like to pleasure myself with my fingers before the main course. I guess this grew out of masturbation but it has developed into something I like to share with my partner. The basics are my own fingers and my own clit and the interplay of sensations between the two. Dildos or vibrators can also be used but generally during this stage of foreplay I really enjoy the sensation of my own flesh on my own flesh. Maybe it is the sense of control, maybe it is the pleasure feedback loop (I swear at times my fingertips themselves are close to orgasm). When the lips of my clit are radiating waves of pleasure I begin to probe myself deeper. By this time my fingers feel as if they are giving off sparks and sometimes my whole hand ends up inside me. If all this sounds a bit solitary, the real thrill is having my partner there watching me loose control. If they can gently but firmly massage my breasts or my bum while I am doing this or kiss and lick me in the places my long term partners know about, the overall sensation is quite exquisite.

Main Course
I guess 69 would be regarded as a traditional main course. Well tradition can be fine and there are plenty of variations on the basic dish. I call the two main varieties “sweet” when it involves a man and “savoury” when it is with a woman. My current preference is for the savoury variety.

These days I find that once sexual activity is underway there is nothing more raw and satisfying than going down on my partner and licking her out. It is the ultimate intimacy between two women; during which I am almost overpowered by the taste and smell of my lover up close. And there is a kind of telepathic connection that is established while she is doing and experiencing the same between my legs. I have enjoyed the sweet version of 69 many times and I think I am still bisexual enough to enjoy the taste and feeling of a gushing cock in my mouth. But for me the savoury variety is so much more intense. One of the reasons is that women seem to be so much more proficient at using their tongues.(Seriously men, don’t you ever practice?) I pride myself on my ability to reach deep with my tongue to places I know excite my partner,all the time savouring her taste and smell. Of course simultaneously she is doing the same thing to me. Our huhnger for each other intensifies until we uncontrollably gorge on the juices that are released.

Desert.
Something light and sweet. Delicate butterfly kisses… Lips, eyelashes, earlobes, nipples and then perhaps rest… Or maybe a french kiss; although that often leads to another main course…

My introduction to kinkier sex

BY SOPHIE

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Cassie and I have decided to speak candidly about aspects of our sex lives here. She has already explained some of the reasons why, and there are others which we won’t go into. One thing we haven’t mentioned yet however and which we may explain more fully sometime is that we both feel that sex is a gateway into the psychology of ourselves and others. It is a way to know and express yourself in a unique way. It can be both therapy and the deepest pleasure. With that in mind I will continue. I will admit I am a bit shy of exposing this much of myself publically but I will try…

I was was a nice girl. Good at school. Polite. Well behaved. And perhaps I still carry some of those aspects with me, but I also had a darker side, a part of me that wanted to go against the grain of how people saw me. I think I looked younger and more innocent than I felt I was. I was well educated and had a pretty singing voice, so I rather liked swearing and smoking so much my voice became deep and husky. My skin was clear and in good condition so I was keen to cover it in tattoos. I was pretty and nice and kind and expected to settle down with a nice boy so I slept around and went looking for the bad boys although actually the ones I found weren’t really bad at all. Part of this was just typical teenage rebellion, but partly I was trying to find and be my true self.

In my early sex life I think I sacrificed deeper more meaningful relationships for more experience of sex. I didn’t admit it, even to myself. I played the part of the nice girlfriend but always found reason to dump the nice boys. They were lovely, I could genuinely speak for hours about how nice they were. But sexually they didn’t satisfy me. A few of them experimented with padded hand-cufs and that got me interested for a few moments; but they didn’t know what they were doing.

Then I had my first girlfriend. That was different. That was very nice at first. She was a little older and wiser than me and I liked that. But even she ultimately disappointed me in bed. We split up when I was twenty and I went several months without a lover. I even stopped masterbating, I thought I had devoted too much time and energy to sex and should concentrate more on my studies and making platonic friends and being nice to my family. And then I met the man we shall call Thomas.

Thomas was exactly twice my age. He had been married. He was an artist and musician. He knew things. He had life experience. He swept me off my feet. The first time we slept together I knew I was dealing with somebody totally different to anybody I had been with before and that excited me. Even that first time he did things that none of my other lovers had ever dared. I knew from then it was going to be an education.

One of the things that impressed me in the early days with Thomas was that he was genuinely interested in what turned me on and took the trouble to find out. Not only in the bedroom itself; he took me shopping. We went to various sex shops, places I had never been to before. We bought various toys and magazines and most importantly for me at the time I bought a new sex wardrobe. I experimented with lace and leather and rubber. I began to learn for myself what I felt sexy in and how dressing up could add spice to our sexual antics.

He took the lead in matters of sex. I was happy with that because in most previous relationships I was always somehow in control. It was good to play a more submissive part but over a few months it became clear that I was not just being the more submissive of the two… He was the Dom and I was the Sub; fully and truly. I read up about it. I played my part well. I enjoyed it. And ever more elaborate forms of bondage came to play an increasing part in our sex games.

He was good with ropes and knots. After some experiments we found different ways to bind me that were tight and controlling but not too uncomfortable. I don’t enjoy being bound so tightly that it burns or hurts although I do sometimes like there to be some marks afterward. What came to be our favourite position saw me bound in a crouching or kneeling position on the floor or on the bed or a table with my hands tied behind my back. The finishing touch was fixing a ball gag in my mouth… I am an articulate person in three languages; not being able to speak any of them was frightening, and yet exciting. All I could do was grunt and moan and very quickly I would be drooling uncontrollably. I felt like I was being reduced to my most basic, animalistic self. Sophie with all education and sophistication removed and with only the primal instinct to fuck remaining. And then he would have his way with me, often making me wait, teasing and deriding me. Sometimes he spanked me with his hands or with paddles, sometimes he would tickle me with a riding whip or whip me harder like a disobedient horse. By this time I would be desperate to feel his cock inside me, and I didn’t mind where; but again he would make me wait until I almost couldn’t bare it. When he was pleased with me, he would release my gag just before he came and I would take him in my mouth  in a frenzy like a beggar who hasn’t eaten for months.

After some months of this I think I was beginning to worry about the psychological effect this kind of sex was having on me. I was enjoying it, in fact I would say I was getting addicted to it; but it was also making me question who I was, and indeed my value as a person beyond sex. And then he suggested that we change roles…

For me to play the dominant one was such a change in our sex life and in our whole relationship that I must admit I was very bad at it at first. I felt very nervous and insecure. But in surreal conversations over breakfast and at the supermarket, Thomas made it clear he wanted me to keep trying. And so I did.

The key once again was to go shopping… As Thomas was keen, he let me use his credit card and I went to a sex and lingere shop where I kitted myself out in the most extreme, badass dominatrix attire I could buy, complete with tassels, sharp studs and high heeled boots. Getting dressed in it helped me to get into character; or perhaps more honestly to find the hardcore dominatrix bitch within me.

Thomas didn’t like extreme pain which was just as well because I wouldn’t have felt comfortable inflicting that on him. My tastes include some aspects of S&M, but only to a limited degree. What Thomas did like though was to be totally dominated and to some degree humiliated. During the peak of this phase of our relationship a typical scene would go something as follows:-

After dinner I would order him to go and have a shower and return to the living room naked. By the time he returned I would have dressed up and we would both fully assume our roles. I would make him kneel in front of me and walk around him, inspecting the goods and chastising him sternly. He was not allowed to reply unless I gave him permission, and if he did speak out of turn I might use my riding whip across his buttocks…

“You didn’t wash behind your ears… You dirty boy… Yes, I called you a boy…” Slash! Whip!

Sometimes I would sit on his back and pretend to ride him like a horse, or rather…

“Bad doggie! Go faster doggie!”

While riding him I would expose my fanny and rub it up and down along his back while gently massaging his buttocks or lightly whipping them. Then I would order him to lick me but he was not allowed to get off his hands and knees so he could only lick my boots and my stockings. Then…,

“Bark!” I would order, “Bark like a real dog! Bark louder! No! Not woof, woof; you imbecile! Howl! howl like an animal… Go on that’s better… Now look, the door is opening… Your mother is there… She can see you for the animal you are! Oh look, there is your boss! What does he think of you now? Bark! Howl! Go on! You are not a person you are an animal… A really stupid animal!”

“You want to fuck me don’t you? You want to fuck me like an animal! Well you can’t. I want a man, not a pathetic little boy who thinks he’s a dog! I want a real man, not a stupid creep like you! Stand up… Stand up now!”

Then he would sheepishly stand up straight. I would walk around him, stroking and prodding him fairly gently with the tip of my whip, finally focusing my attention on his erect penis. Eventually I would take his cock in my hand and begin to work, pulling and massaging, gently at first but ever more vigorously. All the time I would berate him in various ways, telling him he was not good enough for me or for anybody. Some of the insults could be quite deep and hurtful based on things I knew he was sensitive about. At the same time I would begin to squeeze the base of his cock and all around his balls; not quite actual torture but far more than playful. And then just when he was about to explode with cum I would stop completely and give him tasks to do.

“Sing me a song!”

“Dance for me.”

“Pour me a drink!”

“Light my cigarette!”

“If you cum before I have finished this cigarette, that’s it for tonight. We don’t speak until morning and you can sleep on the sofa!”

And that was it really. I’d leave him standing there, aching for sex but being denied it until I was quite ready and he was ready to explode. I would then give him precise instructions about how I wanted him to fuck me and if he carried them out exactly we would both be satisfied, and if not I would punish him with the whip and an early end to the “session”.

I enjoyed it for a while, for quite a few months even. I was fascinated and slightly disturbed to explore this darker side of my persona. But ultimately I got bored. My initial attraction to Thomas was based on the fact that he was the experienced one and I could trust him to take control while I was the more inexperienced and submissive one. But he could never go back to that. Once he had discovered Sophie the dominatrix that was all he ever wanted me to be. But I knew I couldn’t be happy just playing that one role and only expressing the darker more controlling side of myself. So we split up. I had grown a lot. He hadn’t.

Well, I’ll stop there. Writing these things down does make me think and re-examine things. It is a kind of therapy I guess. Since that time I have had a lot of long and short term relationships; not all of them so intense. After Thomas I knew I had it within me to be both the total sub or the total Dom. But often neither extreme is necessary. One of the reasons Cassie and I get on so well is that we are quite similar in that respect. But I will leave it to her to say more. It is her turn next.