Category Archives: Women

Sex, Porn, Feminism, Victimhood

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I guess this post will get us into trouble with some. Somebody sent me a link to the following article and asked for my opinion. It is an article that raises so many issues and which by implication accuses Sophie and me of being non feminists and much worse. I am going to try and address some of the points raised in the article. I want to start by saying however that while I disagree with the tone and conclusions of the article, I do think some of the issues raised deserve serious and ongoing consideration.

The article can be found here.http://www.feministcurrent.com/2015/12/09/the-sexiest-oppression/

The article by Natasha Chart starts with some very dubious and convoluted claims. Firstly she gives scant details of a story from Britain’s Daily Mirror in which an elderly woman is said to have died after a sex game went badly wrong. She then states quite categorically that in a just, feminist world, the neighbor who was involved in the sex game should have been tried for murder. In fact she equates his actions with the torture of prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Now we have looked at the account in The Mirror and it is fair to say there is not much more detail there than in Ms Chart’s account. What is clear is that the local authorities were convinced that there was more evidence for a tragic accident than for murder. Ms Chart wants us to believe that is because we live in a “male supremasist” world. The fact remains however that the only judge who has found the neighbor guilty of being a murderous, woman hating, monster is Ms Chart herself; and this is based solely on the scant evidence contained in a tabloid newspaper and her own very jaded opinions.

Then within a few tortuous, logic defying sentences such as these;-

…This is how you turn oppression into a titillating taboo that isn’t taken seriously. This is how you turn public health and safety threats like rape, torture, and murder, into “sex.” Which is private.

Talking about sex in public is obscenity. So talking about the way women are threatened and physically abused becomes obscenity and, in turn, becomes “sex.” As a result, everything about women’s bodies and oppression is turned into private obscenity that can’t be discussed like other topics…

She blames men in general, pornography, church and religious authorities and women like Sophie and myself for all that is wrong in the world and for the fears and prejudices that clearly dominate her daily life. She finally comes to the conclusion;-

…There is no part of male supremacist culture that doesn’t believe that women owe men sex, by which it is usually meant, she owes him sexual subservience and arousal over his use of force or coercion. Porn and church teachings are simply the most prominent outlets for this view, almost universally held…

I wonder how she would account for women such as Sophie and myself who even without men around, play sexual and psychological games of dominance and submission? I wonder if she is capable of understanding that such activities can be done with love and can be deeply pleasurable and fulfilling to both parties equally (no matter which role they are playing and no matter what genders they happen to be)?

Well I doubt that she can. She states in the same article that she was in the past a serial victim of  abusive relationships. And frankly it is the cries and screams of a serial victim who blames the world for her own mistakes that sing out most loudly in this article. That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? And I don’t want to be drawn in to blaming the victim, but…

We have all known women (and sometimes men) who repeatedly wind up in abusive relationships of various types. We try to warn them, but they won’t or can’t listen. Many of us know people who repeatedly have problems with drugs, or alcohol, or gambling… We cannot help the victim until the victim realises the truth of their predicament and owns it. Yes there are some total bastards out there; there are sick, twisted and vicious men and women… But not all men or women are bad because of the sins of the ones we are attracted to… Drugs and alcohol are not bad in themselves… Sometimes we have to acknowledge that the problem belongs to us and stop blaming others and being angry at half the world.

And sadly the article we are discussing here is so infused with that kind of mis-directed anger that it will find no uncritical audience except for other similarly damaged souls.

It is genuinely sad because it does touch on issues which need to be discussed and grappled with more openly. Even those of us who describe ourselves as “sex positive feminists” have to admit that there is still far too much exploitation in all aspects of the sex industry.

Some weeks ago Sophie and I were looking through a site we often visit for sexy and pornographic images. Some of the images we enjoy would be described as fairly hardcore by some and may elude to, or depict quite clearly, things associated with bondage, dominance, submission and mild violence. (Anybody shocked by that revelation has not been following our blogs very closely). However while browsing that site we came across something that made us pause and indeed left us feeling bad and sullied. It was a short video gif which showed a woman being subjected to very aggressive sex by two men at the same time. We both felt that the woman was not consenting, that she was probably full of drugs and that she looked absolutely terrified and out of control. We felt as if we were witnessing an actual rape. We felt sick and reported the image. But I have to admit that reporting that image probably didn’t achieve much and almost certainly did nothing to help the woman concerned. And we can’t escape from the fact that while we choose to believe most of the pornographic images we look at involve people who are fully consenting at every level; some clearly aren’t.

So what are our options? Let’s remove any semblance of kid gloves. We are two women who are unashamed hedonists, who have enjoyed colourful and diverse sexual encounters with each other and with other women and men. Our sexual tastes and fetishes cover most of the BDSM spectrum and go well beyond that. We enjoy porn. Most of our friends and acquaintances have similarly liberal views and tastes in matters of sex and sexuality. But we acknowledge that there is still a lot of exploitation in all aspects of the sex industry and there are real victims.

We could spurn all forms of sexual enjoyment outside of each other. We could stop looking at any form of pornography for fear that there may have been exploitation in the making of it. We could go further and campaign against all forms of pornography. Equally we could campaign against the very notion of prostitution where there is also undoubtedly gross exploitation. And besides all that we could hate all men and blame them for the perversion of sex, sexuality and gender roles in society. I suspect that is what Ms Chart would like us to do.

But this would not work and would ultimately be disempowering for us and all women and men. It would be defeatist. It would be like saying men have fucked up everything to do with sex so we should retreat to some puritanical version of vanilla sexuality where there can be no danger of exploitation so long as we all repeat the same, supposedly feminist, mantra. And if we happen to have tastes which are not vanilla we must remember that this is only because we have been brainwashed by the previous Male Supremacist society. In other words we must remember at all times that We are all victims and live accordingly!

But why should we allow one form of oppressive orthodoxy to be replaced by another one? For hundreds of years the Christian Church and other religious institutions have sought to control people, especially women, by policing sexuality; by determining what we are allowed to do and think in matters of sex and then condemning everything else as sinful. Many women of my parents generation would be envious of the sexual freedoms and independence we enjoy. Moreover those who happen to be gay or transgender or who can’t be pigeon holed anywhere on the sexuality spectrum are just beginning to enjoy liberties and acceptance that their predecessors could not of imagined. We should not allow victim driven forms of feminism to rob us of the freedoms we enjoy and which were many years in the winning.

What we must do however is enjoy our sexual freedoms responsibly. Where we see exploitation and crime we must treat it and report it as such. Some people can be empowered by their consensual participation in the production of pornography, and nobody has the right to judge them for that. But as consumers of pornography we must insist on only buying into that type of porn. We should aid in the hunting down and prosecution of all criminal activity in the sex industry. We should flag up anything suspect as soon as we see it. We should only pay for and share material we are confident is consensual and fully legal. This will not cure exploitation quickly but if there is any truth in the capitalist idea of market forces, eventually the exploitative, criminal side of the sex industry will be squeezed out.

We should aim to defeat the misogynists, the exploiters and the criminals by acting as responsible and empowered adults who are comfortable with our sexuality and our gender. Fearful and vindictive victims are unlikely to achieve anything except by totalitarian control.

Cassie

Tumblr Picks 1 (Sophie’s Choice)

Cassie and I have a tumblr site where we collect images we both like. It is something we mainly do while we are apart. What happens is I look through the sites we follow and “like” some photos whic h I think will appeal to Cassie and she looks through and picks things she thinks I will like. Then when either of us look through our liked photos we find things we have chosen for each other. If we agree with the likes (which is virtually always) we then publish the photo on our own site. It’s a bit of fun. We thought we would share a bit of that fun here too. I am going to post some recent things I chose for Cassie and say why I chose them and later she will do the same.

A little warning and explanation first though. Tumblr is much more relaxed about adult content than WordPress , and if you visit our actual tumblr site you will find it is mostly “Adult Content”. Some of the images would be called pornographic by some people but we think of it as erotica and usually quite tasteful and sophisticated. We also have a lot of images connected with witchcraft and satanism which are also passions of ours, and some of those are quite erotic too. However, in these WordPress posts we have taken care to keep things as tame as possible and will not show anything too naughty. Even so, there may be some partial nudity and sexual references in the images that follow.

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Cassie likes kissing. We both do. There is nothing more sensual and sexy. Or as Cassie put it, nothing more beautiful to do. We have both kissed a lot of men in our time and that can be deeply fulfilling although men often think of kissing as a precursor to something else. But actually I think the proof that we are more lesbian than bisexual is that neither of us can think of anything much lovelier than kissing each other or the site of two women kissing each other passionately.

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I knew Cassie would like this. One morning soon after we met we were putting on our make up and Cassie started helping me with mine… I guess it is something primal; grooming your mate… It never looses it’s sex appeal.

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It isn’t but this could actually be Cassie. She is so at home in the forest or by the lake collecting leaves, making tinctures and burning incense. She has taught my daughter and I so much about witchcraft, about correspondences and elements. The magic flows out of her and is deeply enchanting to see. She would admit that she is a city girl but when we go into the country this earthy. witchy side of her really comes out and it really is magic.

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I think this is artistically beautiful but I chose it because Cassie loves classical ballet. She says she was never very good at it but she used to practice regularly and you can see it in her body. Add a few tattoos and this could easily be her.

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Cassie loves erotic art. She likes things that look classy but provocative. And sometimes she even paints things like this.

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This was kind of an obvious pick for Cassie. We have both grown to enjoy each other’s tastes and fetishes. She introduced me to blindfolds and I introduced her to leather.

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There is really not much I can say about this or want to. We both love this picture and I’ll let our readers work out what this says about some of the sexual psychology between me and Cassie.

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This is a scene from our all time favourite film “Amelie”. It hints at all kinds of beauty that exists in the places people are afraid to look.

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Smoking nuns. Smoking and nuns. Things that aren’t supposed to be sexy but are. Things which provoke and challenge. Things that can be dark or blasphemous. Yes we both like all that.

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Simply because this model is beautiful.We both fancy her. If she is not already bisexual or lesbian, we’d love to try and convert her. And then we’d like to corrupt that perfect skin with a few well chosen tattoos.

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Cassie introduced me to rituals of witchcraft and Satanism. Their power is hard to explain if you haven’t experienced them but they can also be creative, artistic and erotic.

All the above images were collected from various places on Tumblr where they were published openly. We don’t know where any of them originated but we would be happy to give credit where it is due. We wouldn’t have chosen them if we didn’t think they were good, so our thanks go to the original photographers, models and artists whoever they are.

 

An Un-apology

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Sorry we haven’t been posting much for the past few weeks. We are only sorry because we enjoy blogging and the fact we haven’t been able to do it so much lately is something we regret for our own selfish reasons.

Partly we haven’t had time. Both Sophie and myself have been even busier than normal (and normally we are busier than a lot of people)! But also we decided to take a step back and a bit of a time out as a result of some flack we received about a recent post. In a way we were a bit bemused. We are pretty open about sex and sexuality but actually that has seldom caused much controversy here. We don’t hide our spiritual and philosophical beliefs which we know are not to everyone’s tastes, but again that has rarely provoked unpleasant feedback. The thing which did open us up to some abusive and hurtful criticism was a recent post Sophie wrote about the fact that our daughter has started smoking occasionally, and rather than get angry with her and forbid her to smoke we have accepted the fact, with just a few provisos. There were a few responses to that which accused Sophie in particular of being irresponsible, evil and unloving. Obviously none of those replies ever made it onto the blog. Now we are pretty thick skinned when it comes to criticism but to be honest the sheer venom of some of those replies and the fact that Sophie was accused of being an unfit mother did take us back a bit. We don’t mind intelligent criticism at all and are prepared to enter into respectful debate with anyone. We are also willing to change our opinion on any subject if somebody comes up with a well reasoned and convincing argument we have not thought of. But we are not willing to enter into any form of discussion with trolls or righteously arrogant people who just want to abuse and insult us.

Anyway, we will move on and continue blogging putting this little episode behind us. However, before doing so I want to state a few things of my own concerning that recent post. Firstly I totally agree with everything Sophie said in that post. Moreover, Sophie is the most intelligent and devoted mother any child could hope to have. Secondly when I got back to Zurich after a working trip I took my adopted daughter out for a coffee and a chat about everything that had been happening in her life while I was away and during the course of that outing I let her have one of my cigarettes and I’ll admit there was something nice about sitting in a cafe and smoking with my little girl who is beginning to change into an adult. Thirdly yes, she is a little younger than Sophie or I were when we started smoking and probably we would have preferred this step not to happen just yet, but it has and we accept it. Fourthly some cultural context that Americans in particular don’t seem to be aware of. In Europe in general, in Switzerland in particular and especially in Zurich, smoking is still a very much accepted part of the culture even though we are just as aware of the health risks as anyone else. People do start smoking at a young age and in fact Tina is pretty much the last in her peer group to take it up. Nextly in order to preserve her privacy and hide her identy to some degree I have always been a little vague about her exact age and birthdate. It is enough to say she is on the verge of teenagehood. And I hope this doesn’t come as a huge surprise to anybody but her name isn’t really Tina although it always will be in this blog.

And finally “Tina” is the most precious thing in the lives of Sophie and myself. We would give our lives for her at the drop of a hat. And we would and will defend her like vengeful lionesses if we have to. I think I can honestly say that Tina has had a pretty idealic childhood full of innocent fun and games and lots of freedom in the countryside that many would envy. We have certainly not forced her to grow up before her time and she is still charmingly child like in many ways. But she is beginning to make the transition from childhood to adulthood and we want to be as close and supportive as we can be during that process. We are certainly not going to alienate ourselves from her at the start of this phase of her life by being overbearing and hypocritical about this issue. My adopted daughter is a bright, beautiful, funny, clever girl and I love her as much as if I had given birth to her myself, as much as I love her mother and more than I love myself. I am fully convinced she is going to become a stunningly beautiful, intelligent, inspiring and well adjusted young woman and it is a privilege to play some small part in her upbringing.

Our little girl is growing up. One of the manifestations of that is that she has started smoking. We accept that. Anyone who can’t accept that is welcome to discuss with us politely or else fuck off.

And with that rant aired, our blog will return to its normal debauched content!

Something New, Cassie &Sophie NSFW

Cassie & Sophie NSFW

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The reason this blog may have unexpectedly popped up among those you are following although you don’t remember subscribing to it, is that it occupies the space that was once Cassie Being Cassie. That blog is finished although you should still be able to find all that was once posted there in the archives of this blog. The post before this one will explain why CBC finished.

We are two politically incorrect women who live together in Switzerland. We already have two blogs; Devils Advocates which is about Satanism and Smokers Writes which is about what the name implies. In this blog we want to write about anything else that comes into our heads which doesn’t specifically fit into our other blogs. We also want to use this as a place to reblog anything we find interesting.

In case you don’t know, NSFW means not safe for work, in other words this is an adult blog that will certainly discuss themes and may include imagery that is not meant for anybody under the age of 18 (and could be embarrassing to have on your monitor screen while you are working).

We will certainly discuss sex here. Probably quite a lot. If such things offend you, it is time to tune out. We are a bisexual/lesbian couple and advocates of GLBT rights so if those things make your blood boil, stay healthy and stay away. Our philosophy is Satanism, we are interested in the occult and we practice witchcraft and while we welcome intelligent and open minded conversation on those subjects we do not welcome insults or idiots so if that would be your intention don’t waste your time here. We drink, we smoke and we fuck. If anything in that last sentence upsets you, this is probably not a blog for you. We have eclectic tastes and views on art, music, culture and politics. If you don’t share those interests you are going to get bored here. And finally in case it wasn’t clear, this blog is for adults only so if you are not one of those please go away now. (Seriously, we’ll tell your mum!)

Is there anybody left???

If so, you are very welcome and we hope you enjoy your stay.

The F Word and the C Word

The other day I was fumbling to get something out of my handbag in a hurry and in my haste I dropped it and everything fell out on the floor. “Fuck!” I exclaimed angrily. One of my colleagues looked at me and said with feigned surprise; “Cassie, I’m shocked to hear you use that kind of language. I thought you were a nice girl!”

There are all sorts of suppositions in that sentence alone and I probably won’t go into all of them them here. My job involves teaching young people, supervising other teachers and doing promotional work on behalf of my company. Therefore I generally try to moderate my language during most of my working hours. Hopefully my colleagues don’t hear me swear that much; but of course I do swear, I do use profanities and I probably drop the F Bomb several times a week if not more. Does that make me bad? Answers on a postcard please!

I don’t particularly like excessive use of the word “fuck”, and I don’t like hearing children use it. However I visit relatives in parts of Ireland where it is so much part of the local vernacular that I hardly even notice people saying it after a while. (And I probably suffer from “potty mouth” for several days after I return)!

I don’t really know why fuck is such a popular expletive. Probably originally because of it’s sexual connotations in a society which viewed sex itself as dirty and forbidden. These days I think it is just the sound of it as you say it; for a short word it has a strange power to convey whatever anger, frustration or other emotion you are feeling at the time it is said.

I also use the word in it’s sexual context. I quite like to say I like to fuck because that confounds the taboos associated with the word and the act itself. I don’t object to the word and I certainly don’t object to the act of penetrative sex. Moreover the “F” word can take on all sorts of nuances depending on how it is said, shouted, whispered or moaned, and the exact sexual context in which it is spoken.

So I really don’t have a problem with the “F” word.

I think I do, however, have a problem with the “C” word. C**t is probably still the most taboo word in the English language and I shall avoid using the word in full here so as not to offend anyone especially the powers at WordPress.

I never use the “C” word as a swear word or expletive. I do however sometimes use it to refer to part of the female anatomy. Apparently the word has  long history of usage in the English language and even Shakespeare alludes to it in a couple of his plays. However it has (at least in the last few centuries) almost always been used in a vulgar, offensive and derogatory way.

Is it being overly feminist to wonder why part of my own body should always be seen as something vulgar, disgusting and insulting? After all, I must admit I have occasionally referred to idiotic men as “Dickheads.” Is that any less derogatory?

I honestly don’t know. I am somewhat on the fence on this issue. In the 1970s many feminists fought and pretty much succeeded in removing the word from common usage. However I think this may have only increased it’s power to shock and offend people. More recently however writers such as Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues have sought to reclaim the “C” word in pretty much the way homosexuals reclaimed the words “queer” and “gay”. I kind of agree with that view and I don’t see why I should think of my lover’s c**t as any less lovely than her lips or her eyes. On the other hand I wouldn’t want the “c” word to become more widely used as an expletive in the same way that the “f” word is.

I don’t want our genitals to become even more associated with dirt, anger or aggression.

Real courage; extreme bravery

I really can’t add much to what is said in the following report. Please watch and read the BBC news article. These girls are awe inspiring. They need support. They need protection.

Malala Yousufzai and her friends.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-22045269

Sex with other women

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This week I am anticipating with a fair degree of excitement and impatience a visit from my girlfriend to celebrate my birthday. Living far apart is difficult and annoying but it does make the time we have together all the more electric. Sophie is not the first or only female lover I have had, but she is by far the most important; in fact we are very much planning to spend the foreseeable future together. I love her in so many ways and for many reasons I will not divulge here but neither of us would be shy of admitting that sex is a beautiful and fundamental aspect of our relationship.

Some people, not least some of my ex-boyfriends have been very curious about my experiences with women and what it is like to be bisexual. In answer to the second part of that question all I can say is that it is just the way I am and I can’t imagine what it would be like not to be bisexual. I kind of feel a bit sorry for people who are limited to only one sex in their sexual tastes and appetites. It must be strange.

My first sexual experience with another woman started with a kiss. No offence guys, but there is something lovely about the touch and feel of a woman’s lips and skin that men just can’t compete with. That’s not to say that I’m not also turned on by the kiss of a man with strong jaws and angular features; and I am particularly fond of other parts of the male anatomy! But kissing another woman is just… Lovely.

After the first kiss we began to explore each other’s bodies more intimately, probing with fingers lips and tongues. We didn’t use any dildos or toys then, just ourselves.

Boyfriends have asked me to compare the sensations experienced with men and women but I can’t really… Physically men and women are of course very different. The feeling, the sensations and even the emotions involved are entirely different. Of course the sexual excitement and buzz is there. Certain physical responses are similar. I can have deep and more external orgasms with both men and women. I can have multiple orgasms with both. But still; it’s different… And I do like both very much.

Overall, I have slept with more men than women and over the years I have obviously grown more experienced with both. I have never been shy about learning new things or experimenting; and I have developed tastes and fetishes that can be enjoyed with both men and women. I don’t and never will divulge any really intimate secrets of the times I share with lovers, but I do feel a drive to talk openly in general terms about my sex life because I feel strongly that sex is something normal that all adults should be able to enjoy and talk about openly.

My present girlfriend and I are very sexual creatures. We share similar tastes and have no inhibitions with each other. We love to pleasure each other with just our flesh and skin but we have from the beginning also used every form of sex toy known to human-kind! I admit to being very fond of the strapless device mentioned in my last post. I never really felt comfortable with strap ons; they always felt cheap and silly. I’m not sure this type would work for everybody but it just seems to fit me really well and stimulates me very deeply and effectively while I get to fuck her from the position of a man. This itself is a strangely satisfying feeling and I will admit to a bit of penis envy because it must be wonderful to have nerve endings right up to the tip of the penis when inside a woman. So men, no need to worry, I can vouch for the fact that silicone is no substitute for hot, throbbing flesh!

In the end though the thing I become more and more sure about is that it is not the type of genitals that matter. What I love about Sophie is that she is Sophie. I’d love her just as much and just as passionately if she had a penis instead of a vagina. And even though some of my former boyfriends might struggle to understand this; the same is true in reverse. I would have loved them just as much if they had had vaginas instead of dicks. Okay, that might be a slight over-simplification since I guess our gender and sexuality are fundamental aspects of who we are. What is for sure though is that intelligence, creativity, a sense of humour and being happy in your own skin are big turn ons for me whatever gender or sexuality a person may be.