Tag Archives: Gay Lesbian and Bisexual

All women are bisexual…Sexual Identity

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In my mid twenties it became important for me to assert my sexual identity as bisexual. It seemed to me it was either deny it or live it and I chose to live it. Some people don’t make a big deal about such things. I don’t think I made a big deal about it, but I did make a deal of it to some degree. I was kind of aware that many of my choices in life were slightly against the norm. I was a pagan, I was a witch, I hung out with artists and musicians, I had tattoos, I drank and smoked quite a lot and most of the people I chose to have as friends were similar in many ways to me. But while my life and lifestyle may have seemed to be a bit outside society’s norms, it was normal for me. I had always been equally as attracted to women  as I had been to men sexually. The choice aspect was simply whether to live as a bisexual or to deny that side of things to myself. There was always a rebellious part of me (which still very much exists) which wanted to be open and upfront about my sexuality to challenge those who still clung to what I believe to be archaic prejudices about sex, race and gender. And so I was pretty open about being bisexual and I made the most of the opportunities that opened out to me!

Over the years my feelings about my own sexuality and sexuality in general have fluctuated a bit. There was a time when I thought women might be just for fun while men might be for longer term relationships involving babies and such. Then I went through a stage where I could quite happily identify as purely lesbian. I am now in a very happy and stable relationship with Sophie. However what has become clear is that neither of us are really lesbians. Our sexual tastes have grown and developed as a couple but we are both very aware of being bisexual. Luckily we have very similar tastes in men…

In any case we are pretty much at an age now where we don’t really care much about what others think. We do our own kinky things together and sometimes with others and it’s nobody’s business but ours. But a couple of things lately made me think about this subject again.

My step-daughter has become sexually active in the last year and is probably rather more self confident and worldly wise than I was at her age. (Although I was pretty keen to experiment and quick to learn myself)! What kind of fascinated me about her view of things is the degree to which sexuality seems like a non issue to her. Or rather, bisexuality is a non issue. It’s as if for her bisexuality is the default position. Perhaps that is how it should be. Perhaps the fact that she has been brought up by bisexual parents is an obvious factor. But it just seems curious to me that something which I felt obliged to “come out” and make a bit of a stand about, is even more normal to her than it was for myself and Sophie at her age. I think it is a good thing of course.

Then there was a study published this week that states that “most women are bisexual or gay but very seldom straight”.  http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2015/11/05/most-women-are-either-gay-or-bisexual-but-never-straight-says-study/

The survey found that straight women were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and attractive women – despite identifying as heterosexual. By contrast, women who identified as lesbians exhibited a much stronger sexual response to women than to men. Dr Rieger, the leader of the the study said,   “Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight”

The Pink News article also goes on to report another study which found that; ” 43% of people identify themselves as somewhere between exclusively homosexual and exclusively heterosexual – showing people increasingly see sexuality in a less polarised way.”

Well I think all of this is progress and it is all good. Indeed anecdotally I had come to the same conclusions myself. I have often said said that I think most people are somewhere on a spectrum of sexuality and very few people are exclusively one end or the other. I also believe that where we are on the scale can vary to some degree at different points of our life.

But there is something about these latest surveys that disturbs me. I don’t know what it is exactly. Partly it is because these results were published in various newspapers in a style that seemed mainly aimed at titillating the readers. In particular at titillating men. I also think there is a big difference between what turns people on in theory and what people’s sexuality actually is, a point which the first survey ignores. Also in part I think I resent scientists and the fullness of time being required to somehow legitimate feelings which are in essence perfectly normal and perfectly human. Perhaps I am just getting old!

Anyway I hope the main thrust of these reports is true and that our society is beginning to grow up about sex. My step daughter’s generation have inherited a lot of political, social and environmental problems which they will have to deal with. Hopefully they can at least enjoy full and happy sex lives in peace.

~Cassie~

Those of us who do.

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Our daughter recently got her first tattoo (well two small ones actually; one on her shoulder, another on her ankle). From her reaction, I doubt if they will be her last. She seems to have inherited our ink addiction along with several other vices that run in our family; smoking cigarettes for example…

After getting her tattoo we stopped off for a celebratory glass of wine and a cigarette in a nearby bar. While there she made an observation that most of the people in the smoking section also had tattoos. This is something I have noticed before but haven’t thought much about recently. Of course not all people who have tattoos smoke, and not all people who smoke have tattoos; but there does seem to be a significant correlation… And I don’t think it stops there…

Sophie, Tina and I seem to be in that group of people who do all the things that society often regards as dangerous, riske or taboo. We are the bad girls (and of course there are bad boys too). We are the ones that do.

Some people may think that Sophie and I are setting our daughter a bad example. We both smoke and drink quite a lot. We are both covered in tattoos. We both like to party when we have the opportunity. We swear and curse in a variety of languages. We are libertines who have interesting and active sex lives. We blag our way backstage at gigs and openings to meet interesting people. We are respectable and moral in our own way but we are certainly not prim, clean living, virtuous women.

And at the tender age of 16 our daughter is already following in our footsteps in many ways and no doubt has her own secrets and vices as well. Perhaps we should hold back… Perhaps we should sit her down and explain that we are not great role models… Perhaps we should be or should have been more strict and forbid her to do all the dangerous and naughty things we have been doing since we were her age?

Perhaps we should feel guilty that this innocent sixteen year old is already smoking as much as we do, swearing as much as we do, probably drinking more than she tells us, starting to enjoy and experiment with sex as much as we do, tainting her clear skin with ink as we have done, and who knows what else??

Well we don’t feel guilty. We are glad. We want her to be one of the people who does. For us, that is important.

Sophie and I hope to live for a long time and perhaps we will because we have a lot more pleasure in life and thus less stress than many people do. But because of our smoking and drinking and other things we do or have done we acknowledge we are at greater risk of some illnesses than others might be. Tina’s life prospects might be impacted in a similar way. Even so, if I were to die tomorrow, this ink stained and still quite nimble body will be evidence of a life fully lived and experienced. I’m quite sure as I approach the end of my thirties that I have already seen and done more than a lot of people twice my age. I wouldn’t wish anything less or anything more boring for my daughter. I am glad Tina is becoming one of those bad girls who do naughty but exciting stuff and I wish her all the fun, excitement and adventure in the world.

I guess all this sounds quite hedonistic? Well yes, we are for sure hedonists. But what a lot of people don’t understand is that hedonism doesn’t rule out being a nice, kind person. This is not the place to boast but Sophie and I both do a lot to help other people through our work and other activities. As for our daughter, everything she wants to do in her life and career revolves around helping other people and animals. She may swear like a trooper and she may have replaced her childhood innocence with adult pleasures and pastimes but she has a heart of pure gold and that is not likely to change.

The truth is, “those of us who do” are pretty cool people once you get to know us. Many of us are actually “nice” (although we might not admit it out loud).

Cassie

Savoring the forbidden fruit

“Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.”
W.B. Yeats, The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats

Some think that the forbidden fruit is evil and should not be touched. Some think that one bite will wipe away all your innocence and spoil you forever. Some of us doubt that is true. Some of us enjoyed giving in to temptation. Maybe we are dammed. Maybe we are just liberated… We tasted knowledge of the forbidden and enjoyed it…

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Have we lost our innocence? Perhaps. Are we changed? Certainly.

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But we like the taste of knowledge. We enjoy the pleasures of the senses. So we can either ignore the new world or we can indulge in it. We could try and run from the darkness or we could learn to navigate in it. We can find our own way; our own balance…

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We can ask for more…

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We can open our eyes…

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We can dance with the devil…

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We can acquire new tastes and desires…

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And celebrate life in the forbidden landscapes…

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Inhale… And be one with the music of our soul.

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“In youth, our blood rises and becomes volatile. Desire, worry, and anxiety increase. External circumstances now direct the rise and fall of emotions. Will and intention become constrained by social conventions. Competition, conflict, and scheming are the norm in interactions with people. The approval and disapproval of others become important, and the honest and sincere expression of thoughts and feelings is lost.”
Liezi, Lieh-tzu: A Taoist Guide to Practical Living

New Year, New Visions

Hervé Scott-Flament - Un baiser entre mille

Hervé Scott-Flament – Un baiser entre mille

New Year, New Visions.

This blog will remain a place where from time to time we reblog things we like from blogs we follow. We will also occasionally publish our own opinion pieces here. Through the archives you can still find what is in effect Cassie’s Diary; charting a period in her life when she went from being a single bisexual pagan girl looking after her dying mother to a more mature lesbian woman living with her girlfriend and adopted daughter.

But starting this year we will also be publishing here some of the wide range of art and imagery we have collected over the years (much of it adult oriented) perhaps juxtaposed with text which may or may not be connected with the pictures.

Cassie and Sophie will remain very much Not Safe For Work.

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Sex, Porn, Feminism, Victimhood

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I guess this post will get us into trouble with some. Somebody sent me a link to the following article and asked for my opinion. It is an article that raises so many issues and which by implication accuses Sophie and me of being non feminists and much worse. I am going to try and address some of the points raised in the article. I want to start by saying however that while I disagree with the tone and conclusions of the article, I do think some of the issues raised deserve serious and ongoing consideration.

The article can be found here.http://www.feministcurrent.com/2015/12/09/the-sexiest-oppression/

The article by Natasha Chart starts with some very dubious and convoluted claims. Firstly she gives scant details of a story from Britain’s Daily Mirror in which an elderly woman is said to have died after a sex game went badly wrong. She then states quite categorically that in a just, feminist world, the neighbor who was involved in the sex game should have been tried for murder. In fact she equates his actions with the torture of prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Now we have looked at the account in The Mirror and it is fair to say there is not much more detail there than in Ms Chart’s account. What is clear is that the local authorities were convinced that there was more evidence for a tragic accident than for murder. Ms Chart wants us to believe that is because we live in a “male supremasist” world. The fact remains however that the only judge who has found the neighbor guilty of being a murderous, woman hating, monster is Ms Chart herself; and this is based solely on the scant evidence contained in a tabloid newspaper and her own very jaded opinions.

Then within a few tortuous, logic defying sentences such as these;-

…This is how you turn oppression into a titillating taboo that isn’t taken seriously. This is how you turn public health and safety threats like rape, torture, and murder, into “sex.” Which is private.

Talking about sex in public is obscenity. So talking about the way women are threatened and physically abused becomes obscenity and, in turn, becomes “sex.” As a result, everything about women’s bodies and oppression is turned into private obscenity that can’t be discussed like other topics…

She blames men in general, pornography, church and religious authorities and women like Sophie and myself for all that is wrong in the world and for the fears and prejudices that clearly dominate her daily life. She finally comes to the conclusion;-

…There is no part of male supremacist culture that doesn’t believe that women owe men sex, by which it is usually meant, she owes him sexual subservience and arousal over his use of force or coercion. Porn and church teachings are simply the most prominent outlets for this view, almost universally held…

I wonder how she would account for women such as Sophie and myself who even without men around, play sexual and psychological games of dominance and submission? I wonder if she is capable of understanding that such activities can be done with love and can be deeply pleasurable and fulfilling to both parties equally (no matter which role they are playing and no matter what genders they happen to be)?

Well I doubt that she can. She states in the same article that she was in the past a serial victim of  abusive relationships. And frankly it is the cries and screams of a serial victim who blames the world for her own mistakes that sing out most loudly in this article. That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? And I don’t want to be drawn in to blaming the victim, but…

We have all known women (and sometimes men) who repeatedly wind up in abusive relationships of various types. We try to warn them, but they won’t or can’t listen. Many of us know people who repeatedly have problems with drugs, or alcohol, or gambling… We cannot help the victim until the victim realises the truth of their predicament and owns it. Yes there are some total bastards out there; there are sick, twisted and vicious men and women… But not all men or women are bad because of the sins of the ones we are attracted to… Drugs and alcohol are not bad in themselves… Sometimes we have to acknowledge that the problem belongs to us and stop blaming others and being angry at half the world.

And sadly the article we are discussing here is so infused with that kind of mis-directed anger that it will find no uncritical audience except for other similarly damaged souls.

It is genuinely sad because it does touch on issues which need to be discussed and grappled with more openly. Even those of us who describe ourselves as “sex positive feminists” have to admit that there is still far too much exploitation in all aspects of the sex industry.

Some weeks ago Sophie and I were looking through a site we often visit for sexy and pornographic images. Some of the images we enjoy would be described as fairly hardcore by some and may elude to, or depict quite clearly, things associated with bondage, dominance, submission and mild violence. (Anybody shocked by that revelation has not been following our blogs very closely). However while browsing that site we came across something that made us pause and indeed left us feeling bad and sullied. It was a short video gif which showed a woman being subjected to very aggressive sex by two men at the same time. We both felt that the woman was not consenting, that she was probably full of drugs and that she looked absolutely terrified and out of control. We felt as if we were witnessing an actual rape. We felt sick and reported the image. But I have to admit that reporting that image probably didn’t achieve much and almost certainly did nothing to help the woman concerned. And we can’t escape from the fact that while we choose to believe most of the pornographic images we look at involve people who are fully consenting at every level; some clearly aren’t.

So what are our options? Let’s remove any semblance of kid gloves. We are two women who are unashamed hedonists, who have enjoyed colourful and diverse sexual encounters with each other and with other women and men. Our sexual tastes and fetishes cover most of the BDSM spectrum and go well beyond that. We enjoy porn. Most of our friends and acquaintances have similarly liberal views and tastes in matters of sex and sexuality. But we acknowledge that there is still a lot of exploitation in all aspects of the sex industry and there are real victims.

We could spurn all forms of sexual enjoyment outside of each other. We could stop looking at any form of pornography for fear that there may have been exploitation in the making of it. We could go further and campaign against all forms of pornography. Equally we could campaign against the very notion of prostitution where there is also undoubtedly gross exploitation. And besides all that we could hate all men and blame them for the perversion of sex, sexuality and gender roles in society. I suspect that is what Ms Chart would like us to do.

But this would not work and would ultimately be disempowering for us and all women and men. It would be defeatist. It would be like saying men have fucked up everything to do with sex so we should retreat to some puritanical version of vanilla sexuality where there can be no danger of exploitation so long as we all repeat the same, supposedly feminist, mantra. And if we happen to have tastes which are not vanilla we must remember that this is only because we have been brainwashed by the previous Male Supremacist society. In other words we must remember at all times that We are all victims and live accordingly!

But why should we allow one form of oppressive orthodoxy to be replaced by another one? For hundreds of years the Christian Church and other religious institutions have sought to control people, especially women, by policing sexuality; by determining what we are allowed to do and think in matters of sex and then condemning everything else as sinful. Many women of my parents generation would be envious of the sexual freedoms and independence we enjoy. Moreover those who happen to be gay or transgender or who can’t be pigeon holed anywhere on the sexuality spectrum are just beginning to enjoy liberties and acceptance that their predecessors could not of imagined. We should not allow victim driven forms of feminism to rob us of the freedoms we enjoy and which were many years in the winning.

What we must do however is enjoy our sexual freedoms responsibly. Where we see exploitation and crime we must treat it and report it as such. Some people can be empowered by their consensual participation in the production of pornography, and nobody has the right to judge them for that. But as consumers of pornography we must insist on only buying into that type of porn. We should aid in the hunting down and prosecution of all criminal activity in the sex industry. We should flag up anything suspect as soon as we see it. We should only pay for and share material we are confident is consensual and fully legal. This will not cure exploitation quickly but if there is any truth in the capitalist idea of market forces, eventually the exploitative, criminal side of the sex industry will be squeezed out.

We should aim to defeat the misogynists, the exploiters and the criminals by acting as responsible and empowered adults who are comfortable with our sexuality and our gender. Fearful and vindictive victims are unlikely to achieve anything except by totalitarian control.

Cassie

Which way now?

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We have been reposting a few posts we like here but other than that we are at a bit of a loss to know what to do with this blog at the moment.

In terms of writing we devote most of our creative energy to our Satanism blog, Devils Advocates. Being politically incorrect we also write about our unashamed enjoyment of smoking in Smokers Writes. We had intended this blog to be for anything that didn’t fit in either of those places with an emphasis on sexy or sex related posts. Well maybe that is still the case but while we are both hedonists who enjoy indulging in many forms of kink and sexuality, we are not actually sex writers… So there hasn’t been an awful lot to post recently. Moreover we don’t want to limit ourselves to just that.

We don’t want to close or permanently neglect this site though. It just seems that our other blogs and life outside the blogosphere are taking up all our time at the moment.

We are open to suggestions.

Meanwhile watch this space. Who knows what will emerge.

Cassie and Sophie

Six Years Old!

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According to WordPress it is six years since I started this blog. A lot has happened and changed in six years!

Sophie and I have been writing this blog together for the last few years but she said this anniversary post should be by me. Below you can see my very first blog entry here. It makes me cringe a bit to read it now but I guess the person who made it is still a large part of the person I am. After that you can read a summery of our most popular posts with a few thoughts from me. the there are some nice and progressively naughty photos we have posted over the years. And then a few thoughts going forward.

So this was my first ever post. (I’ll blush in a corner while you read it).

Well I don’t intend to write something here every day but since I have half an hour spare and I want to put some meat on the bones of this blog I might as well write something while I’m sipping wine and smoking my last but one cigarette of the day…

The day started well. I woke up early and, well let’s say eagerly. Andy is staying over for a few days. We both travel a lot in our jobs and so the rare times we actually spend together are precious. Thus, the first few hours of the morning were, let’s say, energetic and satisfying! 😉 It left me with an energy buzz which, thankfully, has stayed with me through most of the day.

After Andy left to go off to a meeting in London,  I went round to my Mum’s. She wasn’t having a good day; very confused and forgetful and generally very frail. I took her for a walk and then cooked dinner for her. It worries me how much she depends on me and in a couple of weeks I’ll be working abroad for a couple of months again and I’m seriously concerned about how she will cope. I am trying to persuade her to get some help, but she is being very stubborn.

I am sure there are some who would think that if I am really a witch I should be able to do some quick magic spell to make her well again. I only wish life was that simple. That’s not to say I don’t try some things from time to time;- energy work mostly. However, in order to transfer positive and healthy energy to her I have to be careful not to absorb too much of her fear, frustration and depression. That is not so easy as I am an empath.

This afternoon I spent some time on my lap-top (mostly setting up this blog) and bullied Mum into going for another short walk for some fresh air. Then I stayed at her place watching TV untill she went to bed. Then I came home…

Andy will be back any minute and it will be nice to just snuggle for a while… Mind you I am hoping my last ciggie of the day will be a post coital one!

…I think I got my wish. Andy and I split up amicably not long after. It turns out that was my last serious relationship with a man. When I started this blog I described myself as bisexual and wrote quite a lot of posts on that topic. Now I guess I’m still bisexual but I identify more as a lesbian. Meeting Sophie and moving in with her has been one of the happiest and most significant changes of the last six years.

I’m still a witch but whereas I used to be quite passionately pagan, I am now even more passionately Satanist.

My mother’s deterioration and eventual death last year was the most difficult and saddest thing to bare during the last six years. It is something I am still coming to terms with.

Here is a list of our most popular posts according to WordPress.

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I think it is significant and somewhat pleasing that The Accidental Lesbian comes in at the top of the list, it is the one post that encapsulates the biggest change in my persona during the past six years.

There are several posts about smoking in the list. In fact we were writing on that subject so often that we started a separate blog for it.

I’m glad Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men made it into the list as our most popular musical post. It is still my favourites song of the last decade and has all sorts of personal meanings to me.

And regular readers will not be at all surprised that most of the other posts in the list are about various aspects of sex and sexuality. Funnily enough I think the Cassie of six years ago would have found that quite surprising.

And here are a few photos that I like from the last six years.

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Kissing

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Waterhouse Lady Of Shalott

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Inked Girls Gallery 143 (7)

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I am without doubt a darker and harder person than I was when this this blog began but I am far more secure and happier in my own skin.

My lover is my life partner. I have a daughter whom I love as much as if she had come from my own loins.

I don’t know what will happen to this blog in the months and years to come but the story of Cassie and Sophie will continue.