Tag Archives: sexuality

All women are bisexual…Sexual Identity

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In my mid twenties it became important for me to assert my sexual identity as bisexual. It seemed to me it was either deny it or live it and I chose to live it. Some people don’t make a big deal about such things. I don’t think I made a big deal about it, but I did make a deal of it to some degree. I was kind of aware that many of my choices in life were slightly against the norm. I was a pagan, I was a witch, I hung out with artists and musicians, I had tattoos, I drank and smoked quite a lot and most of the people I chose to have as friends were similar in many ways to me. But while my life and lifestyle may have seemed to be a bit outside society’s norms, it was normal for me. I had always been equally as attracted to women  as I had been to men sexually. The choice aspect was simply whether to live as a bisexual or to deny that side of things to myself. There was always a rebellious part of me (which still very much exists) which wanted to be open and upfront about my sexuality to challenge those who still clung to what I believe to be archaic prejudices about sex, race and gender. And so I was pretty open about being bisexual and I made the most of the opportunities that opened out to me!

Over the years my feelings about my own sexuality and sexuality in general have fluctuated a bit. There was a time when I thought women might be just for fun while men might be for longer term relationships involving babies and such. Then I went through a stage where I could quite happily identify as purely lesbian. I am now in a very happy and stable relationship with Sophie. However what has become clear is that neither of us are really lesbians. Our sexual tastes have grown and developed as a couple but we are both very aware of being bisexual. Luckily we have very similar tastes in men…

In any case we are pretty much at an age now where we don’t really care much about what others think. We do our own kinky things together and sometimes with others and it’s nobody’s business but ours. But a couple of things lately made me think about this subject again.

My step-daughter has become sexually active in the last year and is probably rather more self confident and worldly wise than I was at her age. (Although I was pretty keen to experiment and quick to learn myself)! What kind of fascinated me about her view of things is the degree to which sexuality seems like a non issue to her. Or rather, bisexuality is a non issue. It’s as if for her bisexuality is the default position. Perhaps that is how it should be. Perhaps the fact that she has been brought up by bisexual parents is an obvious factor. But it just seems curious to me that something which I felt obliged to “come out” and make a bit of a stand about, is even more normal to her than it was for myself and Sophie at her age. I think it is a good thing of course.

Then there was a study published this week that states that “most women are bisexual or gay but very seldom straight”.  http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2015/11/05/most-women-are-either-gay-or-bisexual-but-never-straight-says-study/

The survey found that straight women were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and attractive women – despite identifying as heterosexual. By contrast, women who identified as lesbians exhibited a much stronger sexual response to women than to men. Dr Rieger, the leader of the the study said,   “Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight”

The Pink News article also goes on to report another study which found that; ” 43% of people identify themselves as somewhere between exclusively homosexual and exclusively heterosexual – showing people increasingly see sexuality in a less polarised way.”

Well I think all of this is progress and it is all good. Indeed anecdotally I had come to the same conclusions myself. I have often said said that I think most people are somewhere on a spectrum of sexuality and very few people are exclusively one end or the other. I also believe that where we are on the scale can vary to some degree at different points of our life.

But there is something about these latest surveys that disturbs me. I don’t know what it is exactly. Partly it is because these results were published in various newspapers in a style that seemed mainly aimed at titillating the readers. In particular at titillating men. I also think there is a big difference between what turns people on in theory and what people’s sexuality actually is, a point which the first survey ignores. Also in part I think I resent scientists and the fullness of time being required to somehow legitimate feelings which are in essence perfectly normal and perfectly human. Perhaps I am just getting old!

Anyway I hope the main thrust of these reports is true and that our society is beginning to grow up about sex. My step daughter’s generation have inherited a lot of political, social and environmental problems which they will have to deal with. Hopefully they can at least enjoy full and happy sex lives in peace.

~Cassie~

Those of us who do.

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Our daughter recently got her first tattoo (well two small ones actually; one on her shoulder, another on her ankle). From her reaction, I doubt if they will be her last. She seems to have inherited our ink addiction along with several other vices that run in our family; smoking cigarettes for example…

After getting her tattoo we stopped off for a celebratory glass of wine and a cigarette in a nearby bar. While there she made an observation that most of the people in the smoking section also had tattoos. This is something I have noticed before but haven’t thought much about recently. Of course not all people who have tattoos smoke, and not all people who smoke have tattoos; but there does seem to be a significant correlation… And I don’t think it stops there…

Sophie, Tina and I seem to be in that group of people who do all the things that society often regards as dangerous, riske or taboo. We are the bad girls (and of course there are bad boys too). We are the ones that do.

Some people may think that Sophie and I are setting our daughter a bad example. We both smoke and drink quite a lot. We are both covered in tattoos. We both like to party when we have the opportunity. We swear and curse in a variety of languages. We are libertines who have interesting and active sex lives. We blag our way backstage at gigs and openings to meet interesting people. We are respectable and moral in our own way but we are certainly not prim, clean living, virtuous women.

And at the tender age of 16 our daughter is already following in our footsteps in many ways and no doubt has her own secrets and vices as well. Perhaps we should hold back… Perhaps we should sit her down and explain that we are not great role models… Perhaps we should be or should have been more strict and forbid her to do all the dangerous and naughty things we have been doing since we were her age?

Perhaps we should feel guilty that this innocent sixteen year old is already smoking as much as we do, swearing as much as we do, probably drinking more than she tells us, starting to enjoy and experiment with sex as much as we do, tainting her clear skin with ink as we have done, and who knows what else??

Well we don’t feel guilty. We are glad. We want her to be one of the people who does. For us, that is important.

Sophie and I hope to live for a long time and perhaps we will because we have a lot more pleasure in life and thus less stress than many people do. But because of our smoking and drinking and other things we do or have done we acknowledge we are at greater risk of some illnesses than others might be. Tina’s life prospects might be impacted in a similar way. Even so, if I were to die tomorrow, this ink stained and still quite nimble body will be evidence of a life fully lived and experienced. I’m quite sure as I approach the end of my thirties that I have already seen and done more than a lot of people twice my age. I wouldn’t wish anything less or anything more boring for my daughter. I am glad Tina is becoming one of those bad girls who do naughty but exciting stuff and I wish her all the fun, excitement and adventure in the world.

I guess all this sounds quite hedonistic? Well yes, we are for sure hedonists. But what a lot of people don’t understand is that hedonism doesn’t rule out being a nice, kind person. This is not the place to boast but Sophie and I both do a lot to help other people through our work and other activities. As for our daughter, everything she wants to do in her life and career revolves around helping other people and animals. She may swear like a trooper and she may have replaced her childhood innocence with adult pleasures and pastimes but she has a heart of pure gold and that is not likely to change.

The truth is, “those of us who do” are pretty cool people once you get to know us. Many of us are actually “nice” (although we might not admit it out loud).

Cassie

Without Consent It Is Rape

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A girl goes to a party, drinks too much, wakes up disheveled and disoriented behind a dumpster, battered and bruised and is taken to hospital. Over the course of the next few days the full horror of the abuse she has been subjected to becomes apparent. But at least there were witnesses to what happened to her (who may in fact have prevented the rape from being even worse) and the rapist has been caught. So surely justice will come quickly and fully? Not so. She then has to endure a whole year in which she is portrayed as the promiscuous guilty party who drank too much and pretty much deserved what she got. The perpetrator is portrayed as a normally good guy who just drank too much and got a bit carried away. The jury were not fooled and found him guilty on all charges. The judge however thought he deserved a break, after all he was an athlete with a glittering career ahead of him and why should half an hour of recklessness spoil his whole life; so the judge gave him the minimum sentence possible.

Well that is the story of Brock Turner the rapist and his victim. You have probably seen it in the news and read about it on the Internet. It doesn’t quite end there. The victim wrote an impact statement which was so articulate and so inspiring that it has gone viral. We have given a link to it at the end of this post and would urge absolutely everybody to read it. We think it should form the basis of a whole series of social and sex education classes in America and the civilised world.

We wanted to blog about this because we often write about sex. We are sex positive feminists. We like sex. We think sex is healthy and good. We have as much sex as possible with each other and sometimes with others. We enjoy what some call darker or kinky sex. There have been times in our lives when we could have been described as promiscuous. NONE OF THAT GIVES ANYBODY PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX WITH US OR ANYBODY ELSE. WITHOUT MEANINGFUL CONSENT, IT IS RAPE. ALWAYS.

We feel strongly about this because in writing this blog we assume our sentiments and our understanding is shared by other liberated and mature women and men and we want in our small way to normalise sex and sexuality; to bring it out of the closet and make it something that adults can enjoy and discuss openly and maturely.

But the reality is that there are some troglodyte boys out there who may never become real men and may never understand the realities of sex. So here is a message for anybody that is bordering on that mentality…

It is true that some women enjoy consensual sex a lot. Some women like to fuck and be fucked in all sorts of ways and situations as long as they give meaningful consent. Yes, some women, including us, like to be sexy, perhaps even provocatively so. But without consent you are not allowed to do anything. Without consent, you don’t even have the right to use our first names. We hope that is clear. 90% of people get it. If you are in the ignorant minority who don’t get it, seek counselling, because you are wrong and you risk hurting somebody and spending many years in prison.

Here is a link to the letter Brock Turner’s victim wrote and read out in court. It is a long and harrowing read but ultimately empowering and perhaps even hopeful. We urge all our readers to read it and let all its messages and implications sink in.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/heres-the-powerful-letter-the-stanford-victim-read-to-her-ra?utm_term=.nw8RMQYbe#.otGD1VNb5

Savoring the forbidden fruit

“Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.”
W.B. Yeats, The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats

Some think that the forbidden fruit is evil and should not be touched. Some think that one bite will wipe away all your innocence and spoil you forever. Some of us doubt that is true. Some of us enjoyed giving in to temptation. Maybe we are dammed. Maybe we are just liberated… We tasted knowledge of the forbidden and enjoyed it…

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Have we lost our innocence? Perhaps. Are we changed? Certainly.

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But we like the taste of knowledge. We enjoy the pleasures of the senses. So we can either ignore the new world or we can indulge in it. We could try and run from the darkness or we could learn to navigate in it. We can find our own way; our own balance…

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We can ask for more…

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We can open our eyes…

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We can dance with the devil…

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We can acquire new tastes and desires…

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And celebrate life in the forbidden landscapes…

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Inhale… And be one with the music of our soul.

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“In youth, our blood rises and becomes volatile. Desire, worry, and anxiety increase. External circumstances now direct the rise and fall of emotions. Will and intention become constrained by social conventions. Competition, conflict, and scheming are the norm in interactions with people. The approval and disapproval of others become important, and the honest and sincere expression of thoughts and feelings is lost.”
Liezi, Lieh-tzu: A Taoist Guide to Practical Living

New Year, New Visions

Hervé Scott-Flament - Un baiser entre mille

Hervé Scott-Flament – Un baiser entre mille

New Year, New Visions.

This blog will remain a place where from time to time we reblog things we like from blogs we follow. We will also occasionally publish our own opinion pieces here. Through the archives you can still find what is in effect Cassie’s Diary; charting a period in her life when she went from being a single bisexual pagan girl looking after her dying mother to a more mature lesbian woman living with her girlfriend and adopted daughter.

But starting this year we will also be publishing here some of the wide range of art and imagery we have collected over the years (much of it adult oriented) perhaps juxtaposed with text which may or may not be connected with the pictures.

Cassie and Sophie will remain very much Not Safe For Work.

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Christmas Reality Bites

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Cassie and I have been working on some quite naughty and revealing things to put in this blog. This will still happen but perhaps not until the New Year. I think in 2015 this blog will become darker and sexier, but not just yet. Right now doesn’t seem appropriate…

We have been planning to celebrate this Christmas season together in Zurich, just me Cassie and my daughter. It has been a big year for the three of us and we want to celebrate as a family reflecting on all we have been through, all that has changed in our lives and where we are at now.

And we will do that, but there has been a complication.

Those who have been reading this blog for a long time will know that it started as Cassie’s blog several years before she met me and we got together. You may also remember that Cassie’s mother is ill, suffering from a rare form of early onset dementia. Sadly her condition has recently deteriorated badly. So our Christmas plans are a little bit on hold.

Since Cassie and I moved in together she has of course managed to visit her mother in England at least once every month. We don’t write about it because there is usually not much to say except that there is no change in her mother’s condition and the whole situation is quite sad. Well now her mother has suffered a bad fall and some broken bones and because of the other problems with her health the outlook is not looking good.

Cassie went to England yesterday and we don’t yet know where we will actually spend Christmas. But we will be together no matter what happens.

I would like to write an essay about how amazingly Cassie copes with this sader side of her life but she wouldn’t want me to. However she did say I could mention what is going on in our lives at the moment for background information. There are many sides to all people, including us.

We wish our readers all the best in this winter holiday season. If you are celebrating, do it in style and have fun!

 

Tumblr Picks 1 (Sophie’s Choice)

Cassie and I have a tumblr site where we collect images we both like. It is something we mainly do while we are apart. What happens is I look through the sites we follow and “like” some photos whic h I think will appeal to Cassie and she looks through and picks things she thinks I will like. Then when either of us look through our liked photos we find things we have chosen for each other. If we agree with the likes (which is virtually always) we then publish the photo on our own site. It’s a bit of fun. We thought we would share a bit of that fun here too. I am going to post some recent things I chose for Cassie and say why I chose them and later she will do the same.

A little warning and explanation first though. Tumblr is much more relaxed about adult content than WordPress , and if you visit our actual tumblr site you will find it is mostly “Adult Content”. Some of the images would be called pornographic by some people but we think of it as erotica and usually quite tasteful and sophisticated. We also have a lot of images connected with witchcraft and satanism which are also passions of ours, and some of those are quite erotic too. However, in these WordPress posts we have taken care to keep things as tame as possible and will not show anything too naughty. Even so, there may be some partial nudity and sexual references in the images that follow.

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Cassie likes kissing. We both do. There is nothing more sensual and sexy. Or as Cassie put it, nothing more beautiful to do. We have both kissed a lot of men in our time and that can be deeply fulfilling although men often think of kissing as a precursor to something else. But actually I think the proof that we are more lesbian than bisexual is that neither of us can think of anything much lovelier than kissing each other or the site of two women kissing each other passionately.

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I knew Cassie would like this. One morning soon after we met we were putting on our make up and Cassie started helping me with mine… I guess it is something primal; grooming your mate… It never looses it’s sex appeal.

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It isn’t but this could actually be Cassie. She is so at home in the forest or by the lake collecting leaves, making tinctures and burning incense. She has taught my daughter and I so much about witchcraft, about correspondences and elements. The magic flows out of her and is deeply enchanting to see. She would admit that she is a city girl but when we go into the country this earthy. witchy side of her really comes out and it really is magic.

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I think this is artistically beautiful but I chose it because Cassie loves classical ballet. She says she was never very good at it but she used to practice regularly and you can see it in her body. Add a few tattoos and this could easily be her.

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Cassie loves erotic art. She likes things that look classy but provocative. And sometimes she even paints things like this.

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This was kind of an obvious pick for Cassie. We have both grown to enjoy each other’s tastes and fetishes. She introduced me to blindfolds and I introduced her to leather.

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There is really not much I can say about this or want to. We both love this picture and I’ll let our readers work out what this says about some of the sexual psychology between me and Cassie.

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This is a scene from our all time favourite film “Amelie”. It hints at all kinds of beauty that exists in the places people are afraid to look.

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Smoking nuns. Smoking and nuns. Things that aren’t supposed to be sexy but are. Things which provoke and challenge. Things that can be dark or blasphemous. Yes we both like all that.

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Simply because this model is beautiful.We both fancy her. If she is not already bisexual or lesbian, we’d love to try and convert her. And then we’d like to corrupt that perfect skin with a few well chosen tattoos.

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Cassie introduced me to rituals of witchcraft and Satanism. Their power is hard to explain if you haven’t experienced them but they can also be creative, artistic and erotic.

All the above images were collected from various places on Tumblr where they were published openly. We don’t know where any of them originated but we would be happy to give credit where it is due. We wouldn’t have chosen them if we didn’t think they were good, so our thanks go to the original photographers, models and artists whoever they are.