Tag Archives: smoking

Those of us who do.

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Our daughter recently got her first tattoo (well two small ones actually; one on her shoulder, another on her ankle). From her reaction, I doubt if they will be her last. She seems to have inherited our ink addiction along with several other vices that run in our family; smoking cigarettes for example…

After getting her tattoo we stopped off for a celebratory glass of wine and a cigarette in a nearby bar. While there she made an observation that most of the people in the smoking section also had tattoos. This is something I have noticed before but haven’t thought much about recently. Of course not all people who have tattoos smoke, and not all people who smoke have tattoos; but there does seem to be a significant correlation… And I don’t think it stops there…

Sophie, Tina and I seem to be in that group of people who do all the things that society often regards as dangerous, riske or taboo. We are the bad girls (and of course there are bad boys too). We are the ones that do.

Some people may think that Sophie and I are setting our daughter a bad example. We both smoke and drink quite a lot. We are both covered in tattoos. We both like to party when we have the opportunity. We swear and curse in a variety of languages. We are libertines who have interesting and active sex lives. We blag our way backstage at gigs and openings to meet interesting people. We are respectable and moral in our own way but we are certainly not prim, clean living, virtuous women.

And at the tender age of 16 our daughter is already following in our footsteps in many ways and no doubt has her own secrets and vices as well. Perhaps we should hold back… Perhaps we should sit her down and explain that we are not great role models… Perhaps we should be or should have been more strict and forbid her to do all the dangerous and naughty things we have been doing since we were her age?

Perhaps we should feel guilty that this innocent sixteen year old is already smoking as much as we do, swearing as much as we do, probably drinking more than she tells us, starting to enjoy and experiment with sex as much as we do, tainting her clear skin with ink as we have done, and who knows what else??

Well we don’t feel guilty. We are glad. We want her to be one of the people who does. For us, that is important.

Sophie and I hope to live for a long time and perhaps we will because we have a lot more pleasure in life and thus less stress than many people do. But because of our smoking and drinking and other things we do or have done we acknowledge we are at greater risk of some illnesses than others might be. Tina’s life prospects might be impacted in a similar way. Even so, if I were to die tomorrow, this ink stained and still quite nimble body will be evidence of a life fully lived and experienced. I’m quite sure as I approach the end of my thirties that I have already seen and done more than a lot of people twice my age. I wouldn’t wish anything less or anything more boring for my daughter. I am glad Tina is becoming one of those bad girls who do naughty but exciting stuff and I wish her all the fun, excitement and adventure in the world.

I guess all this sounds quite hedonistic? Well yes, we are for sure hedonists. But what a lot of people don’t understand is that hedonism doesn’t rule out being a nice, kind person. This is not the place to boast but Sophie and I both do a lot to help other people through our work and other activities. As for our daughter, everything she wants to do in her life and career revolves around helping other people and animals. She may swear like a trooper and she may have replaced her childhood innocence with adult pleasures and pastimes but she has a heart of pure gold and that is not likely to change.

The truth is, “those of us who do” are pretty cool people once you get to know us. Many of us are actually “nice” (although we might not admit it out loud).

Cassie

Which way now?

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We have been reposting a few posts we like here but other than that we are at a bit of a loss to know what to do with this blog at the moment.

In terms of writing we devote most of our creative energy to our Satanism blog, Devils Advocates. Being politically incorrect we also write about our unashamed enjoyment of smoking in Smokers Writes. We had intended this blog to be for anything that didn’t fit in either of those places with an emphasis on sexy or sex related posts. Well maybe that is still the case but while we are both hedonists who enjoy indulging in many forms of kink and sexuality, we are not actually sex writers… So there hasn’t been an awful lot to post recently. Moreover we don’t want to limit ourselves to just that.

We don’t want to close or permanently neglect this site though. It just seems that our other blogs and life outside the blogosphere are taking up all our time at the moment.

We are open to suggestions.

Meanwhile watch this space. Who knows what will emerge.

Cassie and Sophie

Six Years Old!

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According to WordPress it is six years since I started this blog. A lot has happened and changed in six years!

Sophie and I have been writing this blog together for the last few years but she said this anniversary post should be by me. Below you can see my very first blog entry here. It makes me cringe a bit to read it now but I guess the person who made it is still a large part of the person I am. After that you can read a summery of our most popular posts with a few thoughts from me. the there are some nice and progressively naughty photos we have posted over the years. And then a few thoughts going forward.

So this was my first ever post. (I’ll blush in a corner while you read it).

Well I don’t intend to write something here every day but since I have half an hour spare and I want to put some meat on the bones of this blog I might as well write something while I’m sipping wine and smoking my last but one cigarette of the day…

The day started well. I woke up early and, well let’s say eagerly. Andy is staying over for a few days. We both travel a lot in our jobs and so the rare times we actually spend together are precious. Thus, the first few hours of the morning were, let’s say, energetic and satisfying! 😉 It left me with an energy buzz which, thankfully, has stayed with me through most of the day.

After Andy left to go off to a meeting in London,  I went round to my Mum’s. She wasn’t having a good day; very confused and forgetful and generally very frail. I took her for a walk and then cooked dinner for her. It worries me how much she depends on me and in a couple of weeks I’ll be working abroad for a couple of months again and I’m seriously concerned about how she will cope. I am trying to persuade her to get some help, but she is being very stubborn.

I am sure there are some who would think that if I am really a witch I should be able to do some quick magic spell to make her well again. I only wish life was that simple. That’s not to say I don’t try some things from time to time;- energy work mostly. However, in order to transfer positive and healthy energy to her I have to be careful not to absorb too much of her fear, frustration and depression. That is not so easy as I am an empath.

This afternoon I spent some time on my lap-top (mostly setting up this blog) and bullied Mum into going for another short walk for some fresh air. Then I stayed at her place watching TV untill she went to bed. Then I came home…

Andy will be back any minute and it will be nice to just snuggle for a while… Mind you I am hoping my last ciggie of the day will be a post coital one!

…I think I got my wish. Andy and I split up amicably not long after. It turns out that was my last serious relationship with a man. When I started this blog I described myself as bisexual and wrote quite a lot of posts on that topic. Now I guess I’m still bisexual but I identify more as a lesbian. Meeting Sophie and moving in with her has been one of the happiest and most significant changes of the last six years.

I’m still a witch but whereas I used to be quite passionately pagan, I am now even more passionately Satanist.

My mother’s deterioration and eventual death last year was the most difficult and saddest thing to bare during the last six years. It is something I am still coming to terms with.

Here is a list of our most popular posts according to WordPress.

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I think it is significant and somewhat pleasing that The Accidental Lesbian comes in at the top of the list, it is the one post that encapsulates the biggest change in my persona during the past six years.

There are several posts about smoking in the list. In fact we were writing on that subject so often that we started a separate blog for it.

I’m glad Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men made it into the list as our most popular musical post. It is still my favourites song of the last decade and has all sorts of personal meanings to me.

And regular readers will not be at all surprised that most of the other posts in the list are about various aspects of sex and sexuality. Funnily enough I think the Cassie of six years ago would have found that quite surprising.

And here are a few photos that I like from the last six years.

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Kissing

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handcuffed

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Waterhouse Lady Of Shalott

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Inked Girls Gallery 143 (7)

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I am without doubt a darker and harder person than I was when this this blog began but I am far more secure and happier in my own skin.

My lover is my life partner. I have a daughter whom I love as much as if she had come from my own loins.

I don’t know what will happen to this blog in the months and years to come but the story of Cassie and Sophie will continue.

Smoking with my daughter, death and life.

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Yesterday evening I gave my daughter a cigarette and we sat down and smoked together. She is only 14. Shocking? irresponsible? Bad?

Well even I will admit to being shocked by the unexpected way it happened. Of course it caused me to question the example Cassie and I have been setting her and to think about how strict I should be as a mother. But I really don’t think I am being irresponsible or bad.

We had just cleared away the dishes after dinner, and then we sat down for a chat in the kitchen as we often do. I poured myself some wine and lit a cigarette as  I usually do in the evenings and suddenly she asked if she could have one of my cigarettes. Yes, I was shocked (although I tried not to show it), this is my little girl after all! I could have just said no. I could have gotten angry at the idea that she was smoking and thought it was okay to tell me in such a casual way without getting into trouble… But I didn’t. I gave her a cigarette and we had a chat. She assured me that she didn’t smoke regularly but that she had occasionally smoked cigarettes with friends at parties or just on the way to school, and that she liked it. She said she had never actually bought any cigarettes and they were too expensive to even think of smoking regularly even if she wanted to. But she also said she had no doubt that she would smoke more regularly when she was older and that she didn’t want to sneak behind my back to do so.

As she was speaking I was of course watching her smoke with a strange fascination. I half expected her to cough and choke but she didn’t. This obviously wasn’t the first cigarette she had smoked. Actually she was inhaling in a disturbingly natural way. I couldn’t decide if I felt devastated, angry or rather proud…

Now as some of you may know Cassie and I both smoke and furthermore we feel quite strongly that adults should be allowed to smoke if they want to and we are against all the anti smoking legislation that is common these days. We like smoking. We smoke cigarettes and cigars sometimes and we even have an occasional blog called “Smokers Writes”. So I suppose we have given an impression to my daughter and perhaps to others that it is okay to smoke, despite the health risks. Is that a very bad thing?

Well first I am going to tell you what I said to my daughter and then I will tell you why. And perhaps I should warn that a lot of people may think I am very bad and very wrong.

Firstly I told her that I was pleased she felt she could be open and honest with me about this and that I hoped she would always feel that way. I told her I thought she was too young to be smoking regularly. I admitted that Cassie and I were heavy smokers who speak openly about the positive side of smoking but I also stated that we are undoubtedly addicts and that nicotine is very quick and easy to get addicted to and I didn’t want her to become addicted at such a young age. I said I didn’t want to think of her dying of a horrible disease and I gave her a mini lecture on the health risks of smoking (which of course she knew anyway). I said I was never going to buy her cigarettes or increase her allowance just so that she could afford them. However, I also said that I don’t mind her smoking the occasional cigarette and I don’t think it is a big sin. I said that she shouldn’t expect Cassie or myself to offer her our cigarettes at home or when we go out, but that it might happen from time to time. I said we would have great respect for her if, over the next few years she decided not to smoke at all and that if she decided that, we would completely stop smoking at home in order to make it easier for her. But on the other hand as she was 14, I would write her a permission to use the smokers area at school and that she could smoke in our smoking areas at home without having to ask about it again.

So why did I say those things?

Well firstly I don’t want my daughter to think I am a hypocrite. She knows that both Cassie and I smoked when we were quite young. I think we were both 15 or 16 before we were smoking regularly but we had smoked off and on for a while before that  and I guess we were about my daughter’s age when we first started experimenting. Secondly I don’t want this to become a point of rebellion between my daughter and myself and I do genuinely respect her for being able to be honest with me about the fact that she has smoked a few cigarettes. I think experimenting with cigarettes is a kind of right of passage a lot of adolescents go through and I think it is important for me to come to terms with the fact that my little girl has reached this stage and it is important for her to know that I respect the fact that she is growing up. And for her to know that I will always love her no matter what happens. And finally the truth is I don’t really think there is much wrong with smoking cigarettes.

I totally accept that there are serious health risks attached to smoking. The idea that myself or Cassie may die a slow, painful death because of our smoking horrifies me. The idea that my own precious daughter could die in such a way is too painful to think about. But it could happen and I take full responsibility that as a smoker and as an advocate for smoking and smokers rights I may have made that fate a little bit more likely for my daughter.

However, I am not going to be a hypocrite or change my strong opinions now just because of this. I don’t think smoking is the social evil that some people believe it to be and nor do I think it’s risks to health are a reason not to smoke. None of us want to die of so called smoking related illnesses, but the fact is none of us really want to die at all. But we can’t change that fact. We will all die one day and not smoking does not guarantee that we will live longer or die painlessly. Cassie and I know of plenty of people who have died of smoking related diseases who actually never smoked at all. And sadly we also know of people who died young in accidents.

Cassie and I think that some sections of society are so afraid of dying that they have actually become afraid to live. Our opinion is that we have no control at all over how and when we die, but we do have some control over how we live. If smoking cigarettes adds something to the quality of life for some of us, then that is a good thing. If it adds to my daughter’s pleasure in life I have no objection to it. I think that quality of life is more important than quantity. Certainly I hope to live to be a hundred or more and of course I wish the same for my daughter. In reality such a long life is doubtful. But I hope that when the end comes, Cassie, Tina and I will all be able to say that we lived filly and squeezed every bit of pleasure out of it.

And finally of course I know that my daughter will probably read this. I have said nothing here that I wouldn’t be happy for her to read. She makes me immensely proud every day. She has been a beautiful and amazing child and she will become equally amazing as an adult and I will continue to love her without any limits.

Sophie

Personal Freedoms and wider responsibilities.


How far should our personal freedoms be limited by the needs of others or by the needs of the wider community?

In principle I am a libertarian and I resent the state imposing on my own freedoms and choices. But I am also quite socialist in some ways or at least I think it is important for the state to care and make provision for those who, through no fault of their own, lack the means and opportunities to live as well as others. Moreover I am passionate about the idea that good education and healthcare should be the right of all, whatever their means.

In everyday life however I lean strongly in the direction of personal freedom and personal responsibility and I hate the idea of the nanny state telling people what they can and can’t do, and how they should live their lives. For example I believe all people who choose it should be able to marry; whatever their sexuality. I am totally against religions or other institutions imposing their dress code or other values on anyone else. I believe all drugs should be legalised (which doesn’t mean I think all drugs are good or harmless or that being under the influence of drugs is any kind of excuse or defence for harming others). In short while it might be right and proper for the state to offer advice to help people remain safe and healthy it is not right for the state to actually limit or control the individual’s lifestyle choices.

Recently however there was new legislation proposed in the UK which I think highlighted the grey area between personal freedom and the “good” of society as a whole. A law has been suggested which would make it illegal to smoke in a car while children are present. Now, I am a smoker and regular readers of my blog will know I am very much against the ever more draconian restrictions on smoking in public places. My first reaction was that it was ludicrous to try and dictate what people can or can’t do in their own cars. I also question how such a law could ever be monitored or enforced…

Now I rarely smoke inside a car and would never do so if there was a child present. Most of the smokers I know would think similarly and would never dream of smoking in any small enclosed space while a child was present. But what about the people who are not so considerate, or who are selfish or just uneducated? More importantly, what about the children of such people?
Children have rights and I am a firm supporter of children’s rights. The problem is that children are sometimes not in a position to even ask for their rights, let alone demand them. I am quite sure that if they were able to, most children would wish to breathe clean air and not be forced to breathe concentrated amounts of second hand smoke in a confined area. So while considerate smokers would never subject children to that, who should protect the children of less considerate smokers?

Clearly the answer is the government and the law should. That is one of the main reasons for their existence. And that is why I couldn’t go to the extreme end of libertarianism which is anarchy. We actually do need governments to protect the vulnerable. We cannot always rely on good will and common sense because some people have ill will and no sense at all.

As a smoker I think I have the right to enjoy my legal vice openly and there should be provision for people like me just as much as there should be provision for those who choose not to breathe in tobacco. I will continue to protest and complain when my rights as an adult to live as I choose are needlessly restricted. However I’d be the first to admit the rights of a child trump most other rights and in this particular situation I think the government might be justified in legislating. In this case however I think the rights of the individual verses the government’s duty to protect the vulnerable are easy to differentiate. That is not always the case.

In Belgium this week the government passed a law making voluntary elective euthanasia legal; even for children. I think that was a brave decision and I support it. It was in fact a very libertarian piece of legislation. But I admit I think the issues here are far more complicated and I could have understood and accepted if the Belgian decision had gone the other way.

Sometimes the rights and freedoms of the individual verses the obligation to protect the vulnerable are not so easy to differentiate. The problem is however that discussion of such things is often very polarised with those who are passionate on both sides not really considering the opposite arguments.

I think I am guilty of that sometimes.

Smoking post

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It’s a good job that nicotine doesn’t have quite such anti social and immediately threatening effects as alcohol or I might have to join a support group, put my hand up and confess “My name is Cassie an I am a nicotine addict.”

I realised with a certain amount of alarm this week that I have been a regular smoker for more than half of my life. I have been in Austria which is very much a smoker’s paradise and have been able to enjoy a cigarette with my coffee in cafes, with my wine in bars and night clubs and even with my breakfast coffee. It’s great! (Oh, I’m not supposed to say that, am I?).

I don’t know what constitutes a heavy smoker these days. In my parent’s generation a lot of smokers got through several packs a day. One of my uncles (a very typical Irish Catholic used to “religiously” smoke sixty cigarettes a day except during lent when he wouldn’t smoke at all. I have never smoked that much but I do regularly smoke between 15 and 20 per day… Is that a lot? Should I care?

Some years ago I had a boyfriend who had a “smoking fetish”; it turned him on to watch people (especially me) smoke. At first I found that very odd and became quite self concious about smoking in front of him. He didn’t want me to do any strange sexual things with cigarettes (just as well!) but he just found women who smoked sexy. In fact he told me the more natural and un-posey the smoker was the better. Apparently I passed the test. Moreover I think I picked up his fetish a bit. I began to notice the subtle differences in the way people smoked cigarettes and yes I do sometimes find it attractive and sexy. My friends have always mostly been smokers; it seems to go with the territory of the kind of people I hang out with. I try to be fair, but while it is not an absolute I do tend to find smokers are generally more interesting people. Perhaps they are more prone to taking risks, perhaps there is a slightly dark and self destructive edge to people who smoke, perhaps they are just more sociable… Perhaps I shouldn’t over analyse!

What I know is I still enjoy my addiction. I have never even remotely wanted to stop. Yes I worry about my health sometimes; but I take care of myself in other ways and all my recent checks have shown that my lungs and the rest of me are in pretty good condition.

So yes I will confess my addiction. Nicotine is without doubt part of my internal chemistry by now both physically and psychologically I am sure. But I don’t actually feel bad or guilty about it. And oddly I don’t have any doubt that I could stop smoking in an instant if I wanted or needed to…

And what brought on this post. Well, I have a long wait for a plane in an airport where you can smoke, drink coffee and use wifi at the same time. So what’s a girl to do???

I do, do I?

I didn’t have time to write anything significant for my blog today although I am working on a few ideas for the weekend. Meanwhile here is one of those random message board surveys I got sucked into. How would you answer?

DO YOU…?

  • Eat meat?   Yes
  • Eat your greens?   Yes
  • Drink tap water?   Yes
  • Drink bottled water?   Yes
  • Drink alcohol?   Yes
  • Drink coffee   Yes
  • Drink tea   Only fruit or herbal tea
  • Smoke cigarettes?   Yes
  • Smoke cigars?   Occasionally
  • Smoke a pipe?   No
  • Smoke weed?   Occasionally
  • Do sports?  Not regularly but I do swim and play tennis and badminton sometimes
  • Take regular exercise? Yes I walk a lot.
  • Dance   Yes
  • Have an I Pod?   Yes
  • Have a pet?   I cat share
  • Have a house?   Having to sell the family home to pay for my mother’s care, meanwhile I rent.
  • Have a significant other?   Yes
  • Have children?   No
  • Have a car?   No
  • Have a bicycle?   No
  • Have a medical condition?   No
  • Have a job? Yes several, busy, busy busy!
  • Have a tattoo?   Yes
  • Sing in the shower? Sometimes
  • Sleep alone? Not when I can help it.
  • Like porn?   Some
  • Wear socks?   When I play badminton or tennis otherwise never.
  • Write?   Yes
  • Read?   Yes
  • Watch TV?   Yes
  • Go to the movies?   Not as often as I used to
  • Listen to the radio? Yes quite a lot
  • Text/SMS a lot? Not in comparison to most people I know.
  • Dream in color?   Yes
  • Daydream?   Yes
  • Speak more than one language?   Not fluently, but I can communicate in several languages.
  • Dye your hair?   Yes, more often than is healthy probably
  • Tell jokes?   Very badly, I am very sarcastic though
  • Collect something? Musicians 😉
  • Belong to a fan club?   I think I still do
  • Like olives?   Yes, love them
  • Like wasabi?   No
  • Like fast food?   No but I eat it.
  • Like chocolate?   Yes
  • Brush and floss daily?   Brush yes, floss weekly.
  • Climb every mountain?   Yes, well I try.
  • Do your own thing?   Always